Unpopular truth #1
When old people die, racism will die.
A very close older white friend asked me the other day why everything seems to be about race. She asked why we (all of us as a people) just couldn’t get over the racial thing. I told her just as calmly as I am telling you, “When old people die, racism will die.”
It’s no secret that I feel a little differently about racism than many other black people. If you catch the PA Bennet Show, a daily radio talk show on 620 AM on any given day of the week, you will hear me say in no uncertain terms that I think black people perpetuate racism just as much as white people do. Even more so, I think that old black people and old white people are the main catalysts of enduring racism. While both deny it, both carry hatred in their hearts and BOTH refuse to let racism die. That’s why I believe that when old people die, racism will die!
Younger people, and I define younger as 36 and below – because I am 36 – have a different perspective and outlook on racism. That is primarily because we are younger… we have not lived and experienced the same things older people, like my mother and her mother, have experienced. Therefore, we do not see racism in many of the things that older people do. For example, when the New York Post chimp cartoon compared the stimulus author to the primate Travis that was gunned down days before, I was one of only two people at my birthday party that felt the political cartoon was not racist. The other person who shared my feelings was a 23 year old.
Each of us is a product of our past. I understand why older people, black and white, feel the way they do… especially black people. It is completely understandable. But the problem is even though many may not recognize it, they propel their feelings and experiences onto the younger generation, saying they are “enlightening us!” Actually, what they are doing is trying to skew our perception based on their experiences. That’s not fair. That’s not fair to the innocence of younger generations.
Older generations: you should not expect the younger generation to live our lives as if we have lived yours… as if we have experienced what you have experienced. Think about that for a moment… that's rather profound. Yes, I agree that I am completely blind to a lot of the hatred and discrimination that you have experienced. But isn’t that why you fought, and marched, and sat in... so that I wouldn’t have to experience that hatred and discrimination? Now that I live as if I haven’t experienced it, many of you are angry and call me ignorant and an ingrate. Neither of which could be further from the truth.
Because older people on both ends of the racial spectrum (black and white)have come out of an era of unabashed racism, once they pass away (and I really do mean that in the absolute most respectful manner possible), the younger generation, who have not experienced racism in quite the same way, will begin to impart their views and ideals onto the world, without the looming veil of racism.
Have you noticed that young children do not see race? Have you noticed the increased level of interracial dating that is going on today? Have you noticed that America is getting browner and less black and white? When is the last time you went to a high school sports game and observed young people? When you go, you will see young people, black and white, co-mingling in a way their parents never had the luxury of experiencing. This is proof that younger people do not see race like older people do. This is proof that as older people pass away, the racism of the last 200 plus years will slowly pass away as well.
Now, don’t get me wrong… there will always be discrimination. But I believe it will be based on class, and not race.
I know racism is a hot topic these days, especially in this day of Professor Gates/Sargeant Crowley, Joe Wilson, town hall meeting, and the blatant disrespect of our first black president. But I am very optimistic that in my lifetime, even more significant changes and progress regarding race relations will be made. I am even more hopeful for the future of our children.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Are Men the Reason Women are so Unhappy?
Last week, The Huffington Post sent me my daily dose of news, politics and blogs. Some I read, many I didn’t. But that day’s lead blog got my attention. It was a blog from Arianna Huffington titled, The Sad, Shocking Truth About How Women Are Feeling. Arianna’s blog ultimately said that women around the world are generally unhappy. She then passed the ball to a leading expert in personal strength. That goes to show, you can be a self-proclaimed expert in anything. In his blog, Marcus Buckingham basically outlined the evidence the United States General Social Survey has found since 1972… women’s overall level of happiness has declined relative to where they were 40 years ago and relative to men.
I was so intrigued by the findings of this study that I almost read the whole thing. I immediately did a self-assessment to determine, if that were true, why I was unhappy. I thought about all the instances in my life in which I was unhappy and quickly determined that MEN were the cause of my unhappiness. All the times in my life in which I felt burdened, down-trodden, pained, unhappy, and right down miserable, a man was somewhere around.
When I was 16 years old, I had a seriously unhappy spell. That was my first broken heart. Here’s the thing, I broke up with him yet, I was the one that was completely miserable.
I recall another serious bout with unhappiness and damn near depression when I was living in Dallas, Tx. That was my first experience living with a man. Again, I had to give him the boot because I didn’t think he was as true as my man should be. So, he met the same fate as many before and after him… but again, I was the one moaning and groaning. What’s with me? I remember my grandfather T-Bo saying, ‘Teowonna, I’ll be damn. You the only woman I know to break up with a man and cries more that he does.’ I’m still working on that, Granddaddy. Trying to toughen up!
Years later, I experienced a more advanced level of unhappiness brought on again by heartache and feelings of abandonment when my husband passed. His death was so untimely and unfair. Just as we were finally finding our footing in the marriage thing, he passed away. Talk about unhappiness, confusion and disappointment.
Five years after my husband’s death, I experienced another bout with unhappiness and downright misery. I would tell you about that but I was asked not to discuss our relationship in my blogs anymore. As if you know or even care who he is. So to honor his request, I’ll just say that was a period of unhappiness in my life. Punk!
Just as I thought I had an explanation for all the unhappiness of the women of the world, it dawned on me that all of my experiences with unhappiness, a few of which I listed above, were situational. Anybody, man or woman would probably be unhappy during times of death, heartache and heartbreak. But the study specified women overall are unhappy. That is more like an internal discontentment with our general state of being, not in response to our current situation. So, I then had to abandon my ‘men are the root of all things evil’ theory.
An hour or so later, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Women are generally more unhappy than men, but WE are the blame for that. Nobody else. Just us. Here is why.
The Huffington Post article laid out an example of a woman in the 1969. Even though she probably would have thought that in 2009 we would be traveling in futuristic space cars, she probably could not have fathomed that the number of women receiving bachelors and masters degrees would outnumber men. She probably would not believe that a woman came very close to being elected President of the United States, Vice President, or that women are currently serving as Secretary of State and Speaker of the House. Like the Huffington Post article suggested, the 1969 lady would have found it difficult to believe that by 2009, four out of the eight Ivy League universities--Harvard, Brown, Penn and Princeton--would have female presidents. In other words, it would have been more realistic for a 1969 women to believe that we would be travelling in cars that hover in air than having a female as President of the United States.
What great strides we women have made! We should feel like we are on top of the world! What do we have to be unhappy about? Everything, that’s what! All of the advances that we have made is the problem. We have accomplished and done so much that we don’t know our roles in life, marriage and relationships anymore. We have taken on our roles and duties, as well as that of men, and now we are unhappy.
I can already hear women saying that I am setting women’s liberation and achievement back by 50 years. I’ve already been accused by a very close girlfriend of ‘just wanting someone to take care of me.’ But that’s so not true. What I’m saying will bring us great relief if we just recognize and accept what I am saying.
I think back to my grandmother. I recall her, Havana Cox, generally being a happy woman. She worked a little job cleaning this white family’s house and raising their children after she had raised her own. Even though she worked outside of the house, she knew her role in the family. She was T-Bo’s help meet. She cooked, cleaned, went to the grocery store on Saturday and fried chicken and baked cakes on Sunday. Even though T-Bo drank too much on Fridays, it never seemed to faze her. She went on to her prayer meetings and just enjoyed her life and her grandchildren. She sat on the front porch snapping beans for dinner or hanging loads and loads of laundry on the line as Granddaddy chopped and brought wood in for the wood-burning heater. My grandmother was happier because she new who she was and her role in the grand scheme of the universe. She was a mother, grandmother, wife, and helpmeet.
Nowadays, we turn our children over to the daycares to raise while we run off and slay the dragons, which used to be the man’s job. We override our husband’s decisions; we make the money; we have to write the checks to pay the bills because we can’t trust him and his judgment; we are the heads of the household instead of helpmeets. And now, studies show our happiness is steadily decreasing, while the man’s is increasing. That’s what we get for trying to be the woman and the man.
And for that same reason, men are getting happier. In our quest to be superwomen, we are lightening their loads significantly. And their expectations and responsibilities are quickly and easily adjusting to our new-found manliness. They have absolutely no reason to be unhappy! We are taking on more and more and they are being required to do less and less. We are bringing home the bacon, frying it, paying the electricity bill that powered the stove, washing the plates we ate out of, paying the mortgage that houses the stove and the dishwasher, and trying to out-screw every other woman that we think might be looking at our men. No wonder we are unhappy… and exhausted too. And the men are sitting back enjoying the benefits of our self-induced tragedy. As much as I am fan on equal opportunity, I think it is becoming clear that women’s lib has screwed us!
Ladies, listen up. I believe the findings of the United States General Social Survey; we are an unhappy group of fools. It is a bitter pill to swallow, but we are the sole reason for our discontentment. We’ve made our beds… you know the rest!
I was so intrigued by the findings of this study that I almost read the whole thing. I immediately did a self-assessment to determine, if that were true, why I was unhappy. I thought about all the instances in my life in which I was unhappy and quickly determined that MEN were the cause of my unhappiness. All the times in my life in which I felt burdened, down-trodden, pained, unhappy, and right down miserable, a man was somewhere around.
When I was 16 years old, I had a seriously unhappy spell. That was my first broken heart. Here’s the thing, I broke up with him yet, I was the one that was completely miserable.
I recall another serious bout with unhappiness and damn near depression when I was living in Dallas, Tx. That was my first experience living with a man. Again, I had to give him the boot because I didn’t think he was as true as my man should be. So, he met the same fate as many before and after him… but again, I was the one moaning and groaning. What’s with me? I remember my grandfather T-Bo saying, ‘Teowonna, I’ll be damn. You the only woman I know to break up with a man and cries more that he does.’ I’m still working on that, Granddaddy. Trying to toughen up!
Years later, I experienced a more advanced level of unhappiness brought on again by heartache and feelings of abandonment when my husband passed. His death was so untimely and unfair. Just as we were finally finding our footing in the marriage thing, he passed away. Talk about unhappiness, confusion and disappointment.
Five years after my husband’s death, I experienced another bout with unhappiness and downright misery. I would tell you about that but I was asked not to discuss our relationship in my blogs anymore. As if you know or even care who he is. So to honor his request, I’ll just say that was a period of unhappiness in my life. Punk!
Just as I thought I had an explanation for all the unhappiness of the women of the world, it dawned on me that all of my experiences with unhappiness, a few of which I listed above, were situational. Anybody, man or woman would probably be unhappy during times of death, heartache and heartbreak. But the study specified women overall are unhappy. That is more like an internal discontentment with our general state of being, not in response to our current situation. So, I then had to abandon my ‘men are the root of all things evil’ theory.
An hour or so later, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Women are generally more unhappy than men, but WE are the blame for that. Nobody else. Just us. Here is why.
The Huffington Post article laid out an example of a woman in the 1969. Even though she probably would have thought that in 2009 we would be traveling in futuristic space cars, she probably could not have fathomed that the number of women receiving bachelors and masters degrees would outnumber men. She probably would not believe that a woman came very close to being elected President of the United States, Vice President, or that women are currently serving as Secretary of State and Speaker of the House. Like the Huffington Post article suggested, the 1969 lady would have found it difficult to believe that by 2009, four out of the eight Ivy League universities--Harvard, Brown, Penn and Princeton--would have female presidents. In other words, it would have been more realistic for a 1969 women to believe that we would be travelling in cars that hover in air than having a female as President of the United States.
What great strides we women have made! We should feel like we are on top of the world! What do we have to be unhappy about? Everything, that’s what! All of the advances that we have made is the problem. We have accomplished and done so much that we don’t know our roles in life, marriage and relationships anymore. We have taken on our roles and duties, as well as that of men, and now we are unhappy.
I can already hear women saying that I am setting women’s liberation and achievement back by 50 years. I’ve already been accused by a very close girlfriend of ‘just wanting someone to take care of me.’ But that’s so not true. What I’m saying will bring us great relief if we just recognize and accept what I am saying.I think back to my grandmother. I recall her, Havana Cox, generally being a happy woman. She worked a little job cleaning this white family’s house and raising their children after she had raised her own. Even though she worked outside of the house, she knew her role in the family. She was T-Bo’s help meet. She cooked, cleaned, went to the grocery store on Saturday and fried chicken and baked cakes on Sunday. Even though T-Bo drank too much on Fridays, it never seemed to faze her. She went on to her prayer meetings and just enjoyed her life and her grandchildren. She sat on the front porch snapping beans for dinner or hanging loads and loads of laundry on the line as Granddaddy chopped and brought wood in for the wood-burning heater. My grandmother was happier because she new who she was and her role in the grand scheme of the universe. She was a mother, grandmother, wife, and helpmeet.
Nowadays, we turn our children over to the daycares to raise while we run off and slay the dragons, which used to be the man’s job. We override our husband’s decisions; we make the money; we have to write the checks to pay the bills because we can’t trust him and his judgment; we are the heads of the household instead of helpmeets. And now, studies show our happiness is steadily decreasing, while the man’s is increasing. That’s what we get for trying to be the woman and the man.
And for that same reason, men are getting happier. In our quest to be superwomen, we are lightening their loads significantly. And their expectations and responsibilities are quickly and easily adjusting to our new-found manliness. They have absolutely no reason to be unhappy! We are taking on more and more and they are being required to do less and less. We are bringing home the bacon, frying it, paying the electricity bill that powered the stove, washing the plates we ate out of, paying the mortgage that houses the stove and the dishwasher, and trying to out-screw every other woman that we think might be looking at our men. No wonder we are unhappy… and exhausted too. And the men are sitting back enjoying the benefits of our self-induced tragedy. As much as I am fan on equal opportunity, I think it is becoming clear that women’s lib has screwed us!Ladies, listen up. I believe the findings of the United States General Social Survey; we are an unhappy group of fools. It is a bitter pill to swallow, but we are the sole reason for our discontentment. We’ve made our beds… you know the rest!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Williams, Wilson, West: Whose Reprimand was Most Effective?
Outbursts. That seems to be the new ‘it’ word to describe the loud, unruly release of emotions from people that we expect better behavior from. But in my opinion, outbursts are just people being who they really are. That’s pretty profound, if I do say so myself. But society has a way of whipping the deviants back in line with several levels of reprimands. Some , more effective than others.
The Financial Reprimand
Serena Williams. Can you believe it? The golden girl (or should I say bronze girl) of tennis lost her cool, in a most unattractive way. On Saturday during the U.S. Open, Serena berated and badgered a tennis official who called her on a foot violation. Williams stared the official down, spewed words that I’d dare not repeat here, just before threatening to shove the tennis ball down the official’s throat. Not cute at all… even more inappropriate and unattractive than the catsuit she flaunted a few years ago.
What happened to sportsmanship? What happened to couth? What happened to manners? I guess you can take the girl out of Compton but…
For her disturbing outburst, Williams was fined $10,500. To rate the effectiveness of her reprimand, I’d give it a Least Effective. When you are worth millions, a few thousand mean nothing. If you really wanted to punish her, tell her she can’t ever wear the catsuit again!
The Written Reprimand
Joe Wilson. Like many of you, I was flabbergasted when it became clear that the audible words in the middle of President Obama’s congressional address were ‘You lie!’ I was even more stunned and a little ashamed to find out those now famous words were yelled by a US Representative from my state. I was even more ashamed that I actually voted for him!
Here’s the thing. I was conflicted when I voted for Wilson. Everything in me told me to vote for the newcomer, Rob Miller, who struck me as a respectable non-politician with whom I could trust my vote. But Wilson had my vote with a single letter from Congress.
When I was working with the Carolina Panorama newspaper, I was the primary writer for a special newspaper tribute to America’s combat vets. To complete the publication, I interviewed about 30 combat vets and wrote almost every one of their stories; a painstaking task. But it was well worth it when I saw the gratitude on the veterans' faces having had their stories finally told and recorded in history. And when I received a personal letter from Joe Wilson, addressed to me on bona fid congressional letterhead, my pride was incontainable. I said that I would cherish that letter forever. Funny thing though, I couldn’t find it to when I wanted to refer to it for this blog. But anyway, with that signed letter from Joe Wilson, my vote had been won.
Now, a week after Wilson’s outburst, Congress has passed a Resolution of Disapproval. The final count: 240 to 173. I applaud Congressman Jim Clyburn for heading up this action. Under no circumstances should a breach of decorum this significant be tolerated. It sets a precedent that would diminish the respect demanded of the Presidential office.
Now, for the big question. Where does this formal reprimand fall on the barometer of effectiveness? Initially, due to the financial sanctions and votes of support that Wilson is experiencing as a result of the outburst, it would appear that the reprimand would get a Least Effective. rating It seems to be nothing more than a formal slap on the wrist, a note of disobedience in his personnel file. But years from now, history is going to show Joe Wilson in a far more unfavorable light. Just like years from now, history will likely show President Obama as a hero. So, while Wilson is experiencing a brief moment of afterglow, history will not be quite as kind. When his life story is written, this reprimand will be a more than just a blemish. It will be a history-altering, irremovable stain. At that time, the reprimand will graduate to More Effective.
The Internal Reprimand
Kanye West. Picture this. You are a young sweet 19 year-old winning your first MTV Video Music Award. Even more, you just beat out one of the most well-known performers alive. Before you can even say all your ‘thank-yous’, like a flash, here is a fool snatching the mic away from you and basically saying you didn’t deserve the award. What do you do? Cry? Run off the stage? Both?
That’s what Taylor Swift tried to figure out when Kanye West bombarded her onstage at this years’ MTV VMA’s. Thanks to the gracious and classy actions of Beyonce’, Taylor Swift later received her moment in the spotlight.
The world and their mama were outraged at West’s actions. What had come over that man to make him do something so grotesquely disrespectful? One year, he threw a tantrum because he didn’t get an award. Another year, he all but gave his award to someone else that he said actually deserved it more. And this year, he gave someone else’s award to someone else. What is with this guy? Does he have an allergic reaction to award shows?
Well, as far as I know, Kanye West has not received a written reprimand. Nor has he received a financial reprimand. His reprimand came by way of a shameful, contrite moment delivered by Jay Leno. When Leno asked West what his deceased mother would have thought of his actions, I think West finally realized just how deplorable his actions truly were.
On the effectiveness barometer, the internal reprimand gets a Most Effective. When who you are and all the money you have can't erase the memory of what you have done, you have seriously violated the established social mores. When just the thought of your mother's disappointment in you brings you to near-tears, you have committed a major infraction against a truly undeserving soul.
The internal reprimand. When your actions against another keeps you up at night, steals your appetite, makes it difficult for you look stand the sight of yourself, makes you question your own being, you have truly committed a major offense. Man, what a price to pay.
A good man, a good person would think long an hard before ever hurting someone like that again. One who has some deep-rooted issues, delusions of grandeur and narcissistic tendencies will continue to do it after the initial discomfort has worn off. I hope Kanye West isn't the latter of the two.
The Financial Reprimand
Serena Williams. Can you believe it? The golden girl (or should I say bronze girl) of tennis lost her cool, in a most unattractive way. On Saturday during the U.S. Open, Serena berated and badgered a tennis official who called her on a foot violation. Williams stared the official down, spewed words that I’d dare not repeat here, just before threatening to shove the tennis ball down the official’s throat. Not cute at all… even more inappropriate and unattractive than the catsuit she flaunted a few years ago.What happened to sportsmanship? What happened to couth? What happened to manners? I guess you can take the girl out of Compton but…
For her disturbing outburst, Williams was fined $10,500. To rate the effectiveness of her reprimand, I’d give it a Least Effective. When you are worth millions, a few thousand mean nothing. If you really wanted to punish her, tell her she can’t ever wear the catsuit again!
The Written Reprimand
Joe Wilson. Like many of you, I was flabbergasted when it became clear that the audible words in the middle of President Obama’s congressional address were ‘You lie!’ I was even more stunned and a little ashamed to find out those now famous words were yelled by a US Representative from my state. I was even more ashamed that I actually voted for him!Here’s the thing. I was conflicted when I voted for Wilson. Everything in me told me to vote for the newcomer, Rob Miller, who struck me as a respectable non-politician with whom I could trust my vote. But Wilson had my vote with a single letter from Congress.
When I was working with the Carolina Panorama newspaper, I was the primary writer for a special newspaper tribute to America’s combat vets. To complete the publication, I interviewed about 30 combat vets and wrote almost every one of their stories; a painstaking task. But it was well worth it when I saw the gratitude on the veterans' faces having had their stories finally told and recorded in history. And when I received a personal letter from Joe Wilson, addressed to me on bona fid congressional letterhead, my pride was incontainable. I said that I would cherish that letter forever. Funny thing though, I couldn’t find it to when I wanted to refer to it for this blog. But anyway, with that signed letter from Joe Wilson, my vote had been won.
Now, a week after Wilson’s outburst, Congress has passed a Resolution of Disapproval. The final count: 240 to 173. I applaud Congressman Jim Clyburn for heading up this action. Under no circumstances should a breach of decorum this significant be tolerated. It sets a precedent that would diminish the respect demanded of the Presidential office.
Now, for the big question. Where does this formal reprimand fall on the barometer of effectiveness? Initially, due to the financial sanctions and votes of support that Wilson is experiencing as a result of the outburst, it would appear that the reprimand would get a Least Effective. rating It seems to be nothing more than a formal slap on the wrist, a note of disobedience in his personnel file. But years from now, history is going to show Joe Wilson in a far more unfavorable light. Just like years from now, history will likely show President Obama as a hero. So, while Wilson is experiencing a brief moment of afterglow, history will not be quite as kind. When his life story is written, this reprimand will be a more than just a blemish. It will be a history-altering, irremovable stain. At that time, the reprimand will graduate to More Effective.
The Internal Reprimand
Kanye West. Picture this. You are a young sweet 19 year-old winning your first MTV Video Music Award. Even more, you just beat out one of the most well-known performers alive. Before you can even say all your ‘thank-yous’, like a flash, here is a fool snatching the mic away from you and basically saying you didn’t deserve the award. What do you do? Cry? Run off the stage? Both?That’s what Taylor Swift tried to figure out when Kanye West bombarded her onstage at this years’ MTV VMA’s. Thanks to the gracious and classy actions of Beyonce’, Taylor Swift later received her moment in the spotlight.
The world and their mama were outraged at West’s actions. What had come over that man to make him do something so grotesquely disrespectful? One year, he threw a tantrum because he didn’t get an award. Another year, he all but gave his award to someone else that he said actually deserved it more. And this year, he gave someone else’s award to someone else. What is with this guy? Does he have an allergic reaction to award shows?
Well, as far as I know, Kanye West has not received a written reprimand. Nor has he received a financial reprimand. His reprimand came by way of a shameful, contrite moment delivered by Jay Leno. When Leno asked West what his deceased mother would have thought of his actions, I think West finally realized just how deplorable his actions truly were.
On the effectiveness barometer, the internal reprimand gets a Most Effective. When who you are and all the money you have can't erase the memory of what you have done, you have seriously violated the established social mores. When just the thought of your mother's disappointment in you brings you to near-tears, you have committed a major infraction against a truly undeserving soul.The internal reprimand. When your actions against another keeps you up at night, steals your appetite, makes it difficult for you look stand the sight of yourself, makes you question your own being, you have truly committed a major offense. Man, what a price to pay.
A good man, a good person would think long an hard before ever hurting someone like that again. One who has some deep-rooted issues, delusions of grandeur and narcissistic tendencies will continue to do it after the initial discomfort has worn off. I hope Kanye West isn't the latter of the two.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Wives forgive Husbands, South Carolinians can Forgive Sanford
Last week, I sang the praises of Vickie Kennedy and how she saved Senator Ted Kennedy. It is true that Senator Kennedy was buried a flawed yet reformed man instead of a disgrace and an old fool. I gave much of that credit to his wife, Vickie. But I also recognize Father Time and God had a lot to do with Senator Kennedy’s transformation.
In my Kennedy blog, I outlined many of his flaws… from cheating on a test while at Harvard to cheating on his wife. These are the more mild offenses. But even after many of a transgression, Kennedy was forgiven time and time again. He went up on ethics charges twice; both times, the charges were dropped days later. Why were the American people (and the Senate Ethics Committee) so willing to forgive Senator Kennedy? Is it simply because he was a Kennedy and many revered the family even though oftentimes their actions were beyond reverence? Or are we really a forgiving people who look for the good in people? We love a comeback story, don’t we?
Remember Bill Clinton and the Monica Lewinsky scandal? I remember that situation very vividly because I was living in Dallas, TX and had just broken up with my boyfriend whom I suspected cheated on me. I didn’t have a very high regard for men at that time… so President’s Clinton’s poor discretion didn’t do very much to renew my confidence. But ultimately, like I did my ex-boyfriend, the American people seemingly forgave Bill Clinton and moved on. In spite of his transgression, President Clinton will still go down in history as one of America’s favorite and most effective presidents… especially among black people.
I know woman after woman who have forgiven men who have wronged them in the worst way. Myself included And men have been known to forgive women, depending on the nature of the crime, of course. Cheating, probably not. But lesser crimes that don’t shake their faith in the woman, the chances of forgiveness are higher.
So having said that, as a people, we have forgiven political leaders time and time again. As individuals, we have forgiven those we love even more often. So why, please explain, can’t or won’t we forgive Mark Sanford?
I agree that what Manford (my new abbreviation for Mark Sanford) did show a huge lack of judgment. It was inexcusable. So was leaving a drowning woman in a car for eight hours. So was performing any sexual act in the White House with any woman other than your wife. But we forgave.
Just yesterday, House Speaker Bobby Harrell joined other Republicans who said that Manford should resign because the state would get “bogged down” in the embattled governor’s distractions. He is right… the state will get bogged down, especially since people like him and other high-ranking republicans will not let it go!
Have you noticed how there seems to be more Republicans calling for Manford’s resignation than Democrats? Why is that? You would think Manford’s own party would be backing him… more willing to forgive him. Well, the reason is simple… the Republican party wants to cut ties with Manford as soon as possible so they can have as much of a fresh start as possible in the next election. They want to say, “Yes, we voted Manford in for two terms, but when he did wrong, we cut him loose with a quickness!” By denouncing Manford, they can continue to claim to be the ‘moral majority’ and send a message to any future governor who takes that notion to flee the country to get a little foreign nookie.
Now why aren’t Democrats making more noise to have Manford thrown out of the Governor’s Mansion carrying trash bags full of clothes? Because they know what (or should I say who), would be coming down the pike… Andre Bauer. Trust me when I say, the state is better off with Manford for the next fifteen months than Andre Bauer. I mean, do we really want the state to be run by the likes of Andre Bauer? At least with Manford, we know he will walk the straight and narrow with the spotlight on him. Who knows what Bauer will do? Who knows what might happen the moment he walks across the threshold of the Governor’s Mansion. I might wake up the next morning and not have running water… the whole state might just crack off from the rest of the nation and drift out into the Atlantic Ocean. And since most black people can’t swim… I think we need to let Manford spend the remaining few months in office.
Ultimately, this blog is about forgiveness. Why are some more deserving of forgiveness than others? Because of their family name? Because he has done a lot for a nation and a race of people? A sin is a sin. We all do it. Everyone deserves to be forgiven. When I have forgiven those who have wronged me, sometimes the relationship can be mended; others, we just have to move on. In my relationship with Manford, I am willing to not only forgive him but not support any efforts to impeach him. This is a relationship I am willing to mend.
I agree with Manford, this is pure ‘playing politics’ and he still has some work to do. Remember the last time your husband or wife slipped up and did something wrong? Sometimes the things they are willing to do and go through to make it up to you was worth the screw up. I think Mark Sanford has learned his lesson. History was been written and he will not be remembered politely. So I say let him do his best to rewrite it. Let him spend these last 15 months trying to make it up to us! South Carolina may be all the better for it.
In my Kennedy blog, I outlined many of his flaws… from cheating on a test while at Harvard to cheating on his wife. These are the more mild offenses. But even after many of a transgression, Kennedy was forgiven time and time again. He went up on ethics charges twice; both times, the charges were dropped days later. Why were the American people (and the Senate Ethics Committee) so willing to forgive Senator Kennedy? Is it simply because he was a Kennedy and many revered the family even though oftentimes their actions were beyond reverence? Or are we really a forgiving people who look for the good in people? We love a comeback story, don’t we?
Remember Bill Clinton and the Monica Lewinsky scandal? I remember that situation very vividly because I was living in Dallas, TX and had just broken up with my boyfriend whom I suspected cheated on me. I didn’t have a very high regard for men at that time… so President’s Clinton’s poor discretion didn’t do very much to renew my confidence. But ultimately, like I did my ex-boyfriend, the American people seemingly forgave Bill Clinton and moved on. In spite of his transgression, President Clinton will still go down in history as one of America’s favorite and most effective presidents… especially among black people.
I know woman after woman who have forgiven men who have wronged them in the worst way. Myself included And men have been known to forgive women, depending on the nature of the crime, of course. Cheating, probably not. But lesser crimes that don’t shake their faith in the woman, the chances of forgiveness are higher.
So having said that, as a people, we have forgiven political leaders time and time again. As individuals, we have forgiven those we love even more often. So why, please explain, can’t or won’t we forgive Mark Sanford?
I agree that what Manford (my new abbreviation for Mark Sanford) did show a huge lack of judgment. It was inexcusable. So was leaving a drowning woman in a car for eight hours. So was performing any sexual act in the White House with any woman other than your wife. But we forgave.
Just yesterday, House Speaker Bobby Harrell joined other Republicans who said that Manford should resign because the state would get “bogged down” in the embattled governor’s distractions. He is right… the state will get bogged down, especially since people like him and other high-ranking republicans will not let it go!Have you noticed how there seems to be more Republicans calling for Manford’s resignation than Democrats? Why is that? You would think Manford’s own party would be backing him… more willing to forgive him. Well, the reason is simple… the Republican party wants to cut ties with Manford as soon as possible so they can have as much of a fresh start as possible in the next election. They want to say, “Yes, we voted Manford in for two terms, but when he did wrong, we cut him loose with a quickness!” By denouncing Manford, they can continue to claim to be the ‘moral majority’ and send a message to any future governor who takes that notion to flee the country to get a little foreign nookie.
Now why aren’t Democrats making more noise to have Manford thrown out of the Governor’s Mansion carrying trash bags full of clothes? Because they know what (or should I say who), would be coming down the pike… Andre Bauer. Trust me when I say, the state is better off with Manford for the next fifteen months than Andre Bauer. I mean, do we really want the state to be run by the likes of Andre Bauer? At least with Manford, we know he will walk the straight and narrow with the spotlight on him. Who knows what Bauer will do? Who knows what might happen the moment he walks across the threshold of the Governor’s Mansion. I might wake up the next morning and not have running water… the whole state might just crack off from the rest of the nation and drift out into the Atlantic Ocean. And since most black people can’t swim… I think we need to let Manford spend the remaining few months in office.
Ultimately, this blog is about forgiveness. Why are some more deserving of forgiveness than others? Because of their family name? Because he has done a lot for a nation and a race of people? A sin is a sin. We all do it. Everyone deserves to be forgiven. When I have forgiven those who have wronged me, sometimes the relationship can be mended; others, we just have to move on. In my relationship with Manford, I am willing to not only forgive him but not support any efforts to impeach him. This is a relationship I am willing to mend.
I agree with Manford, this is pure ‘playing politics’ and he still has some work to do. Remember the last time your husband or wife slipped up and did something wrong? Sometimes the things they are willing to do and go through to make it up to you was worth the screw up. I think Mark Sanford has learned his lesson. History was been written and he will not be remembered politely. So I say let him do his best to rewrite it. Let him spend these last 15 months trying to make it up to us! South Carolina may be all the better for it.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
In Defense of Strong Women – How Vicki Kennedy Saved Ted Kennedy
Our American media is like none other in the world. When something significant happens, we pick the bones dry, examining every square centimeter of every angle, until there is nothing left to the imagination. During this past week of Senator Ted Kennedy's memorials, every aspect of his life was exposed and up for discussion. I couldn’t help but take note how imperfect a person Senator Kennedy was.
I must admit that I didn’t know very much about Senator Kennedy’s early days and the events that lead many to describe his life as ‘flawed’. Through interactive timelines and the magic of the Internet, I was able to read many original New York Times articles that described the less than ideal events in Senator Kennedy’s life. Here are the incidents that seem to have particularly checkered his legacy:
May 1951: Ted Kennedy is caught cheating on a Spanish exams and leaves Harvard College. He enlists in the Army for 16 months and later re-enrolled in Harvard.
November 1958: Ted Kennedy marries former model and New York debutante, Virginia Joan Bennett.
March 1962: Ted Kennedy runs for Senate less than a month after he turns 30.
November 1962: Ted Kennedy is elected to the Senate after a bitter fight with Edward J. McCormick.
July 18, 1969: Accident at Chappaquiddick – Senator Kennedy drives his car off of a bridge at Chappaquiddick, Ma. and manages to escape. His passenger, Mary Jo Kopechne, drowns. Kennedy waits eight hours to report the accident, explaining he wandered about in apparent shock. Others said Kennedy waited until he sobered up the next morning before calling the police. Kennedy pleads guilty to leaving the scene of an accident.
July 25, 1969: Kennedy seeks forgiveness – After mounting controversy, Senator Kennedy delivers a television address to explain his actions and ask voters if he should resign. He conceded that his actions were ‘indefensible’ but denied any intentional wrongdoing. A year later, Kennedy is reelected.
December 1982: Senator Kennedy and wife, Joan, divorce after 24 years of marriage. Mrs. Kennedy said her husband was a womanizer. After the divorce, Senator Kennedy is said to have often drank and caroused in Washington with a fellow senator and chased women.
1989: European paparazzi photographs Kennedy having sex on a motorboat.
March 1991: A woman accuses Senator Kennedy's nephew of rape at the Kennedy family estate in Palm Beach Fl.
June 1991: An ethics complaint is filed against Kennedy alleging his conduct in the rape case against his nephew violated Senate rules. The complaint also asserted that the Senator initially failed to cooperate with the Palm Beach police. Eight days later, the complaint was dismissed.
June 1991: Ted Kennedy and Victoria Reggie meet at a party celebrating her parent’s 40 wedding anniversary. Ted Kennedy said of this meeting, “I had known Vicki before, but this was the first time I think I really saw her.”
October 1991: Kennedy Apologizes to the Voters. In a discussion of his future in politics, Kennedy said: “I recognize my own shortcomings – the faults in the conduct of my private life. I realize that I alone am responsible for them, and I am the one who must confront them.” He added, “I believe that each of us as individuals must not only struggle to make a better world, but to make ourselves better, too.” Kennedy vows to clean up his life and do better.
July 1992: Kennedy marries Victoria Reggie.
This timeline of the life of a public servant is like none other I’ve ever seen. I can’t imagine how a public figure could embarrass himself and his family time and time again as Senator Kennedy did. I’m sure Joan Kennedy was a good woman and wife. Before she met her husband, Joan was high-society debutant and a model. She bored Senator Kennedy’s three children and stood by his side as he recovered from a broken back which he sustained in a plane crash. She even stood by his side through the Chappaquiddick accident and through his public promiscuity and blatant disregard her feelings and public perception. Senator Kennedy basically drove Joan to drinking and she finally divorced him.
Why couldn’t Joan and Ted Kennedy make a go of their marriage? Simple: Joan just wasn’t the one and Ted just wasn’t ready.
I also think Senator Kennedy suffered from survivor’s guilt. After all his older brothers had tragically preceded him in death, I think the guilt of surviving hindered him from recognizing his potential and the vision of who he was to become. Guilt kept Senator Kennedy from realizing the man he was called to be.
Then, Senator Kennedy rescue came when he met Vicki Reggie in 1991. Vicki was the daughter of Senator Kennedy’s close friend. She had graduated magna cum laude from Tulane University, then summa cum laude from Tulane University Law School. Vicki was an accomplished lawyer and had been raised in a political family. When she and Ted emerged as a couple in September 1991, it was clear that she was the one and Senator Kennedy was ready.
During my research, it seems that after 40 years in politics, all of a sudden, Senator Kennedy’s personal life stopped stealing the glory of his political career. It seems after Kennedy’s marriage to Vickie, his private life stabilized and his life as a public servant began to flourish. He accomplished some of his best feats after he married Vicki.
On the Saturday morning that Senator Ted Kennedy was eulogized, ABC News’ Chris Cuomo asked Vice President Biden: [When Edward M. Kennedy was elected to the Senate, the New York Times wrote a scathing review, saying the only thing he had going for his was his name. Today, he has one of the most decorated obituaries the paper has ever done. What happened to change the perception of Senator Kennedy?]
Vice President Biden said, "Every mistake he made in his life, he made a lie out of the mistake by the way he lived the rest of his life."
Vicki Kennedy is the reason Senator Kennedy outlived his mistakes. Vickie Kennedy is the only reason Ted Kennedy is going down in history as a champion rather than a disgrace. When Senator Ted married Vicki, he found his redemption. At last, Senator Kennedy had found someone strong enough to stabilize his personal life.
Strong women, women who hold their own, women with strong personalities and opinions are often looked upon with disdain. Some men feel threatened, saying a strong woman would not let him be a man. I’ll admit it: strong women are not for everybody. Every man can’t handle the standards they set; they can’t clear the bar over which they are required to leap. But sometimes, it takes a strong woman to tame a wild-spirited, heavily flawed man. Sometimes, it takes the strength of a woman to help a man realize his full potential. Sweet, pretty women are good. But sometimes it takes a strong woman to save a man.
I must admit that I didn’t know very much about Senator Kennedy’s early days and the events that lead many to describe his life as ‘flawed’. Through interactive timelines and the magic of the Internet, I was able to read many original New York Times articles that described the less than ideal events in Senator Kennedy’s life. Here are the incidents that seem to have particularly checkered his legacy:May 1951: Ted Kennedy is caught cheating on a Spanish exams and leaves Harvard College. He enlists in the Army for 16 months and later re-enrolled in Harvard.
November 1958: Ted Kennedy marries former model and New York debutante, Virginia Joan Bennett.
March 1962: Ted Kennedy runs for Senate less than a month after he turns 30.
November 1962: Ted Kennedy is elected to the Senate after a bitter fight with Edward J. McCormick.
July 18, 1969: Accident at Chappaquiddick – Senator Kennedy drives his car off of a bridge at Chappaquiddick, Ma. and manages to escape. His passenger, Mary Jo Kopechne, drowns. Kennedy waits eight hours to report the accident, explaining he wandered about in apparent shock. Others said Kennedy waited until he sobered up the next morning before calling the police. Kennedy pleads guilty to leaving the scene of an accident.
July 25, 1969: Kennedy seeks forgiveness – After mounting controversy, Senator Kennedy delivers a television address to explain his actions and ask voters if he should resign. He conceded that his actions were ‘indefensible’ but denied any intentional wrongdoing. A year later, Kennedy is reelected.
December 1982: Senator Kennedy and wife, Joan, divorce after 24 years of marriage. Mrs. Kennedy said her husband was a womanizer. After the divorce, Senator Kennedy is said to have often drank and caroused in Washington with a fellow senator and chased women.
1989: European paparazzi photographs Kennedy having sex on a motorboat.
March 1991: A woman accuses Senator Kennedy's nephew of rape at the Kennedy family estate in Palm Beach Fl.
June 1991: An ethics complaint is filed against Kennedy alleging his conduct in the rape case against his nephew violated Senate rules. The complaint also asserted that the Senator initially failed to cooperate with the Palm Beach police. Eight days later, the complaint was dismissed.
June 1991: Ted Kennedy and Victoria Reggie meet at a party celebrating her parent’s 40 wedding anniversary. Ted Kennedy said of this meeting, “I had known Vicki before, but this was the first time I think I really saw her.”
October 1991: Kennedy Apologizes to the Voters. In a discussion of his future in politics, Kennedy said: “I recognize my own shortcomings – the faults in the conduct of my private life. I realize that I alone am responsible for them, and I am the one who must confront them.” He added, “I believe that each of us as individuals must not only struggle to make a better world, but to make ourselves better, too.” Kennedy vows to clean up his life and do better.
July 1992: Kennedy marries Victoria Reggie.
This timeline of the life of a public servant is like none other I’ve ever seen. I can’t imagine how a public figure could embarrass himself and his family time and time again as Senator Kennedy did. I’m sure Joan Kennedy was a good woman and wife. Before she met her husband, Joan was high-society debutant and a model. She bored Senator Kennedy’s three children and stood by his side as he recovered from a broken back which he sustained in a plane crash. She even stood by his side through the Chappaquiddick accident and through his public promiscuity and blatant disregard her feelings and public perception. Senator Kennedy basically drove Joan to drinking and she finally divorced him.
Why couldn’t Joan and Ted Kennedy make a go of their marriage? Simple: Joan just wasn’t the one and Ted just wasn’t ready.
I also think Senator Kennedy suffered from survivor’s guilt. After all his older brothers had tragically preceded him in death, I think the guilt of surviving hindered him from recognizing his potential and the vision of who he was to become. Guilt kept Senator Kennedy from realizing the man he was called to be.
Then, Senator Kennedy rescue came when he met Vicki Reggie in 1991. Vicki was the daughter of Senator Kennedy’s close friend. She had graduated magna cum laude from Tulane University, then summa cum laude from Tulane University Law School. Vicki was an accomplished lawyer and had been raised in a political family. When she and Ted emerged as a couple in September 1991, it was clear that she was the one and Senator Kennedy was ready.During my research, it seems that after 40 years in politics, all of a sudden, Senator Kennedy’s personal life stopped stealing the glory of his political career. It seems after Kennedy’s marriage to Vickie, his private life stabilized and his life as a public servant began to flourish. He accomplished some of his best feats after he married Vicki.
On the Saturday morning that Senator Ted Kennedy was eulogized, ABC News’ Chris Cuomo asked Vice President Biden: [When Edward M. Kennedy was elected to the Senate, the New York Times wrote a scathing review, saying the only thing he had going for his was his name. Today, he has one of the most decorated obituaries the paper has ever done. What happened to change the perception of Senator Kennedy?]
Vice President Biden said, "Every mistake he made in his life, he made a lie out of the mistake by the way he lived the rest of his life."
Vicki Kennedy is the reason Senator Kennedy outlived his mistakes. Vickie Kennedy is the only reason Ted Kennedy is going down in history as a champion rather than a disgrace. When Senator Ted married Vicki, he found his redemption. At last, Senator Kennedy had found someone strong enough to stabilize his personal life.
Strong women, women who hold their own, women with strong personalities and opinions are often looked upon with disdain. Some men feel threatened, saying a strong woman would not let him be a man. I’ll admit it: strong women are not for everybody. Every man can’t handle the standards they set; they can’t clear the bar over which they are required to leap. But sometimes, it takes a strong woman to tame a wild-spirited, heavily flawed man. Sometimes, it takes the strength of a woman to help a man realize his full potential. Sweet, pretty women are good. But sometimes it takes a strong woman to save a man.