You Heard it First from That Teowonna!

Last week on my blog, I wrote:

I'm willing to bet that Tiger Wood's father cheated on his mother. And Tiger actually knew about it! And he kept his father's confidence.  

 

After reading my blog, someone asked me, "Do you really think Tiger's father cheated on his mother?" My response to her: "Without a doubt!"

 

Well, this morning during the NBC Today's daily "Tiger Woods Briefing" (how ridiculous is that!) there was a report from one of Tiger's teenage girlfriends that said Tiger often confided in her how distressed he was over his father's infidelity. Aha! Earl Woods did cheat on his wife. Told ja!  Even though Tiger was distraught over his father's infidelity, as most young boys are, he grew up to do the exact same thing.

 

While the world applauded Earl Woods for raising a world class athlete, it seems he didn't do such a great job raising a man. In fact, he raised a man who is just like him... driven, determined, focused and a cheater. When Tiger wrote an earlier statement saying that his behavior isn't demonstrative of his family values and upbringing, actually it was. He just repeated the behavior that he observed (and detested) in his father. Unfortunately, Tiger has a much larger audience to observe his 'Woods Family' behavior than his father had.

 

Theory: Men who cheat raise men who cheat.

 

Advice to Men: It's bad enough that you are disrespecting your wife and reeking havoc on your family with your infidelity, but ultimately, you are teaching your son to follow in his father's footsteps.

 

Advice to Women: The best indication whether your man will cheat on you: His Daddy! Believe that! 

 

With the recent report coming out, today would be a great time to read or reread last week's blog.  And I caution you against ever doubting That Teowonna's theories again! Like I say, "You can disagree, but we both know I'm right."

 

Until next week, ciao'

 

 

The Three Types of Men, according to That Teowonna!

Men behaving badly... in the news again. This time it is Tiger Woods. I tried to wait to post my Tiger Woods blog after some of the media and opinion hoopla settled down. But now that the number of women Tiger allegedly had an affair with has risen from three to six, I figured I’d go ahead and join to rest of the bloggers and render my opinion on this earth-shattering revelation.

Earth-shattering, you ask? Yes, earth-shattering. Earth-shattering to his wife and children. Earth-shattering to my 80-year old white friend who can’t believe ‘her boy’ would do that. (After all, he has a beautiful wife and two wonderful children.) "His little pee-pee just got confused," she said.

This Tiger Woods realization is not earth-shattering for many of us, but it is definitely disheartening to know that even the men that we thought were good examples are proving to be nothing more than typical… ordinary. Yes, I know, I know… Tiger Woods is just human; he is not perfect. But since when does being human have to mean being a man whore? Does imperfection make it acceptable to cheat on your wife and children? Oh yes, he betrayed his children just as much as he did his wife. Speaking for women and children everywhere: Can we please have a man/father that we can believe in? Is that too much to ask?

OK… enough of my personal Tiger Woods ranting. Here is my theory. There are three types of men when it comes to fidelity. The Driver, The Rescue Wood and The Putter. I’m sure you know, are or love one of these guys.

The Driver
Definition: In a set of golf clubs, the driver gets all the fanfare. The driver is the club that is usually used to tee off with. Therefore, there is much pomp and circumstance surrounding the almighty tee shot. In the tee box, that’s when the men and boys are separated. Some hit it long but to the right or left. Some hit it straight, but not long. A true golf aficionado hits is straight and long. The driver and the tee shot are all about show… all about ego; just like driver men. The man who is a driver is so full of himself that he thinks he doesn’t have to be faithful; he is going to cheat no matter what because driving is how he defines himself. Fidelity, honesty and all other relating concepts just are not in him. When he got married, he knew from the start that he was going to cheat. He never had any intentions of being faithful. He got married simply to have some stability between his various other relationships. Tiger Woods is an example of a driver. Unfortunately, there are a million others but I refuse to waste my keystrokes indentifying them… or recounting my personal affair(s) with them for your reading pleasure. They are so yesterday!

Root Cause: Why is the driver the way he is? Probably because his daddy was/is a driver. And his friends are drivers too. Remember my blog post about co-conspirators of cheating men? Add 'sons' to this list of unspoken co-conspirators. Think about it… fathers indoctrinate their sons to the whole concept of cheating by exposing them to their girlfriends even though they are still with/married to the child’s mother. I don’t think men realize how despicable that act is. That whole ordeal is such a confusing paradox for the child. This builds up contempt against his father for cheating on his mother, while forming some convoluted boys-club bond. But most importantly, this passes down the cheating disposition to an innocent boy. I’m willing to bet that Tiger Wood’s father cheated on his mother. And Tiger actually knew about it! And he kept his father’s confidence. And Tiger’s friends are probably cheats too! Golfers have groupies just like ball players. I bet many of Tiger’s golf buddies are drivers, just like him!

Advice to Women: First thing’s first… this ain’t about you. This is about your man. If your man is a driver, he is a driver. There ain’t nothing you can do about it. You can’t be a better woman; you can’t make yourself more sexually appealing; you can’t be a better mother or housekeeper. That is not going to keep him at home because it is not about you; it is about the driver and his ego. That's just who he is! So know this, if you stay with a driver and you value fidelity, you will be miserable! Period… pointblank. He is going to seem regretful and ashamed only long enough for you to settle down; to get you to stay with him. Then he will be back at it again. His primary goal is to wear you down until you don’t care anymore. Then he can have the faithful/stupid wife at home and his women in the street.

Ladies, one more thing you should know about the driver - he very well may stop driving one day but only when he gets tired of the course. So you can have a faithful husband in a driver. But that probably will come only after he has robbed you of your esteem and dignity. The question then becomes, what kind of a woman will you be after that?

Advice to Men: Grow your dumb ass up!

The Rescue Wood
Definition: In a set of golf clubs, the rescue wood is usually a little utilized, yet dependable club that can be used to get you out of a tight spot. It is often forgotten until you find yourself in a spot in which no other club will do. Only then do you go searching for your rescue wood. Sometimes, it has been so neglected that you find that you took it out of your bag and replaced it with a newer, sleeker hybrid. A man who is a rescue wood is one who has stepped outside of the marriage, but only did so painstakingly because he was ultimately cast aside, like the rescue wood. He wasn’t out hunting a new woman. His extra-marital relationship was more like a slow simmer than a hot, rolling boil.

Root Cause: The rescue wood man most likely has been neglected at home... taken for granted, much like the club in a golfer’s bag. He has tried everything to bring joy (and sex) back to his marriage but his wife isn’t responsive; she just doesn’t want to play anymore. She may be more interested about raising the children or her career than she is her husband; therefore, she has neglected his most basic emotional and physical needs. The rescue wood often complains of feeling unappreciated… like someone merely in the house rather than an actual part of the household. He complains that his wife just expects him to be there to pay the bills and clean up the yard. He may actually feel that she would be happier if he would just leave… but keep paying the bills and doing the chores, of course. In this case, the wife basically ran her husband to another woman.

Advice to Women: Extramarital relationships for rescue woods can be very dangerous because the relationships have a tendency to be more emotional than physical. These men fall in love with the women who are giving him the physical and emotional attention he feels he is not getting you. It is one thing when your man checks out on you physically, but when he checks out on you emotionally, you just need to give up. The best example of a rescue wood is Governor Mark Sanford. Governor Sanford is in love with that woman in Argentina and Jenny needs to go on about her business.

Advice to Men: I understand that your woman is acting a fool. I suggest severing your ties legally rather than having a relationship outside your marriage. Don’t let her or the situation turn you into a man you don’t want to be. You are far too good for that. And trust me, there are a ton of women just waiting for a man like you. Don’t believe me? When you get free, just let me know. I will have a list, sorted to your specifications, of women who have been waiting their whole lives for a man just like you!

The Putter
Definition: In golf, the only club that you MUST have on each hole is a putter. You can tee off with a driver or an iron. You can use a hybrid, fairway wood or iron in the fairway. But for the most part, you must use a putter on the green. Putters are heavily depended upon. A good putter and proper proficiency can get you out of tight spots when your approach was off. It can make a good golf day even better, especially when you've made it to the greens in two strokes and sunk a putt in one. That makes for a great day of golf. Putters come in all shapes and sizes. While some are pretty, others are interesting. And others are ugly and old-timey looking but extremely functional. But good putters help you to be steady, solid and focused. A good putter brings out the best in you. It gently corrects your wayward strokes. Thrusting it in the air demonstrates a celebration of your accomplishments. But more importantly than what the putter brings out in you, is the characteristics of a good putter itself. It steadies you when you squat down to read the greens. It serves as a guides as you check your line of putt. Just like a good putter, a good man is a God-send. He may not be the prettiest or most popular club in the bag, but the game just isn't the same without him.

Root Cause: The putter man is not a cheat; He was raised right. What I mean by that is he was raised by a man who didn’t cheat. His father led by example. Furthermore, he taught his son the value of women and the sanctity of marriage. Therefore, he just isn’t going to cheat because it isn’t in him to do so. He just ain’t that kind of men. Yes, he is tempted just like every other man. But he actually thinks about what it would do to his wife, family, career and life if he were to cheat... and even worse, get caught. He also thinks about what kind of man that would make him. Unlike other men who brag about their conquests, he thinks it is admirable that he has only had sex with his wife since they’ve been married. He isn’t impressed by the stories the boys have to tell. He may laugh, joke and wonder ‘what if’, but that’s as far as it goes. The driver lifestyle just isn’t for him. He just knows that he is a much better man than that.

A man can be a putter also if he was raised by a cheater but saw the havoc infidelity wreaked on his mother and the family. As a result, he vowed to NEVER cheat on his wife. And fortunately, he kept is word rather than repeating the pattern. Perfect example of a putter man: President Barack Obama.

Advice to Women: Cherish this man. You have a gem on your hand. Since this man is not predisposed to cheat, he’s not going to run off seeking a smiling face and opened legs simply because the two of you are going through a bad spell. He is in there for the long haul. But because no one is infallible, you can turn a putter into a rescue wood. But you’d have to be a special kind of fool to do that. Make sure that you are worthy of this man.

Advice to men: Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are constantly defying the odds, especially when statistics say that somewhere between 50 and 70 percent of people in marriages cheat. We thank you for being the man that you are. We thank you for being a true representation of what a real man is supposed to be. Please raise and correct your sons so they will be the same kind of man you are. Maybe then, we’ll have more solid and wise putter and less flighty and whimsical drivers.

Her Education Makes Him Live Longer, but Happier?‏

A few weeks ago, a study by the Swedish Institute for Social Research and published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health stated men married to highly-educated women have a longer life expectancy. When I read an article summarizing the study, 2 thoughts came to mind. The first was: not in my case. Those of you who read my recent post know that my husband passed away 6 years ago at the tender age of 47. Since I am one of those ‘highly-educated women’ with my Master’s degree and all, (tongue planted securely in cheek), I immediately chalked the study up as turkey baloney.

The second thought that came to mind was: How does her education level impact his longevity? The synopsis of the study that was published did not speculate as to how a woman’s education level positively impacts her husband’s lifespan. But a fellow blogger, Mason Jamal of Mason Says, dissected the study for me and offered an explanation.

Mason said (and I’m paraphrasing): Marriage helps to stabilize men. Left to their own devices, men would self-destruct. “We’re aggressive. We’re relentless. We’re stupid (at times).” He further explained that highly-educated women are full of knowledge that they share with their husbands. (Or assault their husbands with, I say.) Somewhere in this plethora of “good information along with some erroneous unchecked factoids,” there is bound to be something in there that may save his life.

Thank you Mason for drawing the connection. Without your explanation, the study itself would have been a useless factoid. After I took Mason’s explanation into consideration, I gave the study a little more credibility and upgraded it to beef baloney.

From the beef baloney study, I developed my own theory: the men married to highly-educated women may live longer, but I doubt they are happier.

Those of you who know me personally or have been following my blogs may have gathered that I am not really a proponent of the ‘educated, independent woman’. I personally think their ‘independence’ is disadvantageous to black men, black families and the black community. But that’s a blog for another day (and trust me, it is coming!)

To further expound upon my theory, highly-educated women, whom I define as Master’s degree and above, think they know everything. There is something about a Master’s degree that makes a women think she doesn’t need a man; she can conquer the world without him; that she is the head of the household instead of the helpmeet. Highly-educated women can often be full of themselves, finding it necessary to let every man she meets know she is degreed. (Which is different from pedigreed… but you can’t tell them that!)

And to be married to one, oh my God! She has to be the one in control of the bills, because he can’t be trusted to pay them on time. She has to be the primary decision-maker, instead of the decision supporter. She has to be heard and just won’t listen. She has to be the chief and not the Indian. And please don’t let her make more money… he may as well turn his man card over to her (and his credit card too), because she will proclaim the title breadwinner, and refuse to be the bread baker.

See men, if you get yourself a nice ,humble, smart, little lady with a high-school diploma or a bachelor’s degree, you might not live longer, but you sure might live happier. These women don’t think they know everything because somebody’s university gave them an oversized plaque to hang on the wall. They are satisfied being your helpmeet; supporting you and the family in your collective endeavors. They are happy to grow with you; they don’t have to be the leader of the pack. They are happy being the woman and allowing you to be the man, actually promoting your manhood… which is exactly what the Lord intended!

Consider this: If a woman’s high education level makes her husband live longer, then the reverse would be true also… the wife of a highly-educated man would live longer. Right? Wrong! The study didn’t find that. But that makes perfect sense. Think about it! Unlike women, men of higher education don’t feel the need to unleash their wealth of knowledge onto everyone around them. They don’t feel the need to let everyone know how smart they are, how educated they are, unlike us women. They are happy to live and let live (Wow… I sound just like my husband). But not us women… oh no! We gotta let the world know how many degrees we have. How much education we have… what the statistics say… how many studies we’ve read. (Oops, kinda like I’m doing right now!)

Prime example. On the Mason Says blog in which Mason discussed the study, one of his readers, Carla, posted a comment: “I'm familiar with a similar statistic (see, quoting statistics) about pet owners living longer. If you don't find a smart wife, at least get a smart dog.” That’s a cute comment. I didn’t have a problem with that comment. It’s the way she signed her comment that got my attention. She signed: Single with an MBA and Master of Arts!

Aha! See what I mean? Was it necessary for Carla to let us know that she had 2 degrees? She hasn’t even met a man yet and she’s already wearing her education on her sleeve. Singlehandedly, Carla has proven That Teowonna! right.

So men, word to the wise: Marry a woman with a high school diploma or a Bachelor’s degree. If you are uncertain which one is best for you, use the That Teowonna quick reference guide: Marry a woman with no more than 1 education lever higher than yours; preferably one with the same level. If you have a Bachelor's degree, marry a Master’s degree or lower. If you have a high school diploma, a Bachelor’s degree is as high as you should safely go! If you marry a woman with 2 or more levels of education higher than yours, you may live a few years longer, but you probably won’t be happier! Follow my marriage reference guide and you get to actually be the man in the family!

Food Stamps: Hand Up Versus Hand Out

Earlier this week, a study that analyzed 30 years of national data shows that nearly half of all U.S. children and 90 percent of black children will be on food stamps at some point in their childhood. Researchers also say those numbers could be pushed higher due to the current recession. The study further suggests that almost everyone knows a family who has received food stamps, or will in the future.

The lead author of the study, Mark Rank, a sociologist at Washington University, said, “Your neighbor may be using some of these programs but it's not the kind of thing people want to talk about.”

In what community? That’s my question. I agree that people may not be talking about it, but it is far from a secret in many of our communities. It is actually an expectation in some social circles.

When I read the statistics, it made me wonder if my family received food stamps when I was growing up. I didn’t think so, even though my mother was a single mom with two children. For a moment, I thought that perhaps she could have been getting the supplement and my brother and I just didn’t know about it. After further consideration, I found that to be highly unlikely because if we had, we certainly would have noticed a bi-monthly food windfall!

Just to be sure, I called my mom and asked her. She confirmed what I thought… we never got food stamps when I was growing up. She did, however, acknowledge that during Hurricane Hugo, we got a one-time ration to replace the food that had spoiled in our freezer due to the lack of electricity.

I asked my mother why. Why didn’t we get food stamps when so many around us were getting them. Surely she would have qualified since she was raising 2 children on her own. My brother’s father died before my brother was born and while my father was alive, he didn’t always help like he should have. So why did she not take advantage of the program, I wanted to know. She said, “I don’t know, Tee. I guess it just wasn’t in my plan. It never was in my thought process to get food stamps. .”

You know, at that moment, I felt a huge sense of pride in my mother for working hard to raise her children with limited, if any at all, assistance from the government. Even though there was a system there to lend a helping hand, she was determined to do it on her own. That got me to thinking. The people who were on food stamps when I was growing up, probably still get them (or some other form of government assistance) today. Hence my theory: there are two kinds of food stamp recipients: those who need a hand up and those looking for a hand out.

Let me say this right now: there is nothing wrong with people receiving food stamps or any other form of government aid. That’s what it is there for. But I do have a problem with people living on government aid. Instead of using it as a ‘hand up’, many are gladly accepting the ‘hand out’ and making it a lifestyle.

Here are some characteristics of 'hand up' recipients versus 'hand out' recipients.

Hand up recipient: Shopping cart primarily has staple items in it. Hand Out Recipients: Shopping cart is full of steaks, shrimp, lobster and other high-end delicacies.

Hand Up Recipient: Conserves some food stamps to go shopping for fresh produce between allotments. Hand Out Recipients: Spend every dime in one fell swoop because they know in 15 days, they will get more.

Hand Up Recipient: Values the benefits and use them as intended. Hand Out Recipients: Bombard you at the grocery store trying to sell their food stamps for cash money.

Hand Up Recipient: May discretely slide the food stamp card through the reader. Hand Our Recipients: Slap their card down with pride like it is an American Express Platinum card.

Again, I want to say there is nothing wrong with getting food stamps. Everyone experiences rough times… I am the first to admit that. But are government programs helping to sustain people during difficult times, or are they making people more dependent? I think these programs are very beneficial for people who need a little help during times of difficulty. Unfortunately, for others, it simply robs them of their amibition, decreasing the desire to climb out of a tough spot, limiting their vision to see past that temporary brick wall.

With this crazy economy, it is no wonder more and more people are taking advantage of the food stamp system. Let’s just hope they take it as a temporary hand up, instead of a life-long hand out.

A Sex Addict or a Bad Seed

She’s back. The brazen, big-mouthed, too smart for her own good, I hate that I love her, That Teowonna! returns this week.

If you read my blog last weekend, you caught me in a brief moment of public weakness. If you didn’t catch it, good! (My image with you remains intact!) Nevertheless, I’m back. And the object of my attention this week is ESPN sports analyst, Steve Phillips, and any men who get caught with their pants down and are too punk to accept the consequences of their actions.

Dudes, when will ya’ll get it? Sometimes sex just ain’t worth it! The brief moments of pleasure aren’t worth your family, your job and certainly not your reputation and self-respect. Nothing is more disgusting than a man who is so carnal and short-sighted that he will jeopardize everything he holds dear for a piece of tail. Not even good tail… just different, convenient tail. Bill Maher said, “Women like new shoes; men like new sex.” That is so true. But I have never jeopardized anything I value for a new pair of Manolo Blahniks.

But here is what’s even worse… when a man is caught with his pants down, instead of just saying 'I was wrong, please forgive me' (for the 28th time), he tries to blame his lack of self-control on an addiction. Addiction to sex? Gimme a break! I don't buy the whole sex addiction thing, not for one minute. My theory is it is just a convenient excuse for being promiscuous; for being a bad seed.

I had a conversation with a man today and he said he believes that sex can make men do some foolish things but questions if there is really a dependency on sex like there can be on alcohol and drugs. I found that interesting and it made me think: if someone does anything excessively that society looks down upon, is he an addict, or something much simpler... a deviant? A bad seed? Think about it this way...

I had a cousin, whom I will call Tony, who was a straight up thief. As I recall, Tony started getting in trouble early on. His crime of choice: theft - robbing - stealing. And from what I understand, he was pretty good at it, too; it was years before Tony got caught. When he finally did get busted, he was sentenced to life in prison. Can you imagine that? Life imprisonment for stealing!

After ten years of serving his sentence, Tony’s mother spent a thousands of dollars on a lawyer who took his case back in front of a judge for review. While he was guilty of the crimes, it was determined that the sentence was too harsh and Tony was released.

Initially, Tony was on house arrest. He was confined to the house and could only go a few feet into the yard. One of my relatives asked him if he thought he could stay in the house for the required period of time. He said lightheartedly, “After what I’ve been through, I can stay in the bathroom if I have to.” My family and I were satisfied that Tony had learned his lesson and his life of crime was over when we frequently heard him say that he would never go back to jail. That’s why I was shocked and scared when I heard rumors that he was ‘knocking people in the back of their heads and robbing them’. Say it ain’t so!

Months later, I recall being at work when I got a call from my mother. She said she had some bad news; Tony had robbed a bank. “Oh no!” But that wasn’t all. After Tony was cornered by the police, he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. (Gasp!) I guess Tony meant what he said… he was never going back to jail.

Consider this: after 1o years of 'rehab', my cousin just couldn’t leave the life of robbery and theft behind. Was he a crime addict? Or was he just a bad seed?

Steve Phillips is admitting himself into rehab because he just couldn’t resist sex with other women, even with all he had to loose. Is he a sex addict? Or just a bad seed?

Steve Phillips is no more an addict than Tony was. Both are bad seeds that good women threw good money (and time) away on.

Ode to Edwin Clifton - A Young Wife Grows Up

Today makes 10 years since I said 'I do' to Edwin Clifton. Ten years! Unfortunately, my husband died 6 years ago. On this day, I can't help but wonder what my life would be like if he was alive. I'm sitting at a high school football game with friends watching their sons race up and down the field. (Actually, they are watching; I'm blogging, hence any errors you may see). I wonder, if 'Pop' were alive, would we be cheering on our own little player or cheerleader at a Little League game. Or would we have our little one at the movie theatre watching 'Where the Wild Things Are' tonight? Would there even be a little one?

Would we be home relaxing or arguing? Would we be making love or in bed with our backs to each other? Would we be celebrating our milestone or cursing the day we met? Would we be in a happy season of our lives or in a challenging one?

Here is the state of Teowonna Clifton today: I have a job that I love, a communications specialist for an insurance company. I have a number of extra-curricular activities and projects that are growing and displaying my best qualities. I produce a radio talk show; I have a blog; I am a newspaper and book editor; I will even launch my own BlogTalkRadio show next year. Not bad, if I say so myself. (As you can see, I don't have a modest bone in my body). Many of these things I know probably would not be a reality if Pop were alive, but I wonder what other wonderful things would be replacing them. A marriage? A husband? Children? A family?

I really wish Pop could see the woman that I am today; the woman that time, maturity and experience has created. The woman who used to rebel against his authority now recognizes the value of a strong man. The woman who saw career as a way to distinguish herself now sees career as a way to advance the family. The woman who felt his words of caution stifled her creativity now craves his guidance. The woman who was too tired at night now longs for his soothing touch. The woman who had the attention of many now would love to only have his. That 26 year-old young wife is now a grown woman.

Time has brought me wisdom that money can not be purchase. Time has shown me there is nothing like a man who is ready to be a husband; a man I can trust and count on; a man who would rather die than lie or cheat. Funny how I didn't recognize what I had until I didn't have it anymore; until I experienced the alternative. My husband was far from perfect, but at least I knew what I had. Nowadays, there are façades of men... few real men actually exist.

My husband was so right about so many things. I regret he is not here to tell him.


Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Unspoken Co-conspirators of Unfaithful Men

Today, I’m going to tackle the whole David Letterman thing. I am a Conan fan, so I wasn’t tuned in the night Dave made his announcement. But I did see it on the Today Show the next morning. What an ominous feeling that was for me, hearing yet another man of power and position confess his indiscretions… multiple indiscretions, might I add. Even though I was shocked and disappointed in Dave, I must admit that I was not disappointed in him the same way I was in Governor Mark Sanford, Bill Clinton and other elected officials. While David Letterman has a pubic position, (oops! I meant public) I did not elect him to his position. I hold those I elect to represent me to a higher standard. Forget that ‘he’s just a man’ crap. He [an elected official] is a man that should know and do better.

The moment I heard Dave admit that he’d had several indiscretions with women who work for him, I felt several distinct emotions pouring from me. Perhaps the most significant was the emotion of sorrow… for his wife, Regina Lasko. While Meredith Vieira and everyone else focused on Dave and the jokes he told in attempt to minimize the fiasco, I focused on his wife. How sad, angry, humiliated and betrayed she must have felt… and is still feeling. While all were focused on Dave, my heart went out to his wife.

I know first hand the humiliation Mrs. Letterman felt when she realized that everybody except her knew that her man was cheating on her. It must have felt like a conspiracy among everyone against her. How could they look at her at the Christmas party and smile in her face? Wish her Merry Christmas with a kiss on the cheeks? Hold the mistletoe for her and Dave to kiss underneath when they all knew he was cheating on her. Trust me; it is not a good feeling.

But I’m not going to talk about the betrayal of the men in the affairs. I’m not even going to talk about the other women who enable the men to cheat in the first place. Today, I am talking about the little-acknowledged co-conspirators in extramarital and other elicit affairs… the friends of the victim.

Question: Ladies, if you see your good friend’s man out with another woman, do you tell her? Unfortunately, many of you are going to answer 'no'. But guess what, That Teowonna does not feel that way. That Teowonna tells! You've heard of the 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy, right? I have a strict, 'I'm gonna tell' policy. If fact, you never have to question if I will tell; you only need to wonder how fast I will tell. I might tell today, tomorrow, or the next day… but I will tell. And you better believe it will be sooner rather than later.

I know many of you may say that is none of my business; my friend might get mad at me; she might not want to know; he might just be out with a co-worker; blah blah blah. All that is well and dandy. Valid points. But I am still telling. And here’s why: the moment I keep his confidence, I am conspiring with him against my friend.., and trust me, that's not happening. He is not my friend, she is.

So you say it isn’t any of my business? I beg to differ. Anything that is not in my friend’s best interest and I am aware of it, is my business. Anybody trying to do her harm, is my business. I would feel like a heel if I knew her man was cheating on her and didn’t tell her.

She might get mad, you say? Let her. I don’t care. I am a friend… we get mad from time to time. I will still be her friend when she realizes that I told her because I love her.

She might not want to know, is another popular excuse. Well guess what, whether she wants to know or not, she NEEDS to know and it is my DUTY as a friend to tell her. Anything less are the actions of an enemy, not a friend.

It just might be a co-worker or a friend. Might be. Might not. First of all, I know the difference between a date and two co-workers grabbing a bite to eat. And if you are honest, you do too. If they are just friends, then my girlfriend already knows her, right? If not, she will, because I’m going to tell her. If I misjudge the situation, what’s the big deal if it is innocent? Women know their men. If it is innocent, then it won’t register on her radar… but if dude is already prone to cheat, my warning might just be what she needs to put her antenna up a little higher.

Just so you know, I think my friends have a different theory than I do. I don’t think they would tell me. They used to tell me when something didn’t look too kosher. Now I don't think they would because I might ask the guy about it. You doggone right I am going to ask him. (I really want to say ‘confront him’ but that sounds a little too combative!) I don’t think they liked the fact that I may say "Michelle said..." or "Pam saw..." Well, I can see how they may have a problem with that. But I don’t have a problem if they say “Teowonna saw you.” In fact, I want her to tell him that I said it. Because he needs to know that I ain’t his friend…I am her friend and she is getting her info from a reliable source! The moment I fail to report his dealings, I am acting as a co-conspirator against my friend… and the true-blue friend that I am will not let me do that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to go running, tattling like a little child… “Uhh I’m telling”… “Giiirl guess what I saw.” That's silly and irresponsible. I will find an appropriate way to mention what I saw in a mature respectable manner. After I tell her, I've done my duty as a friend. Now what she does with the information is completely up to her. If she wants to confront him, she can. If she doesn’t, that’s fine with me. If she just wants to keep a closer eye on things… that's ok. If she forgives him, I’m cool with that too. I trust her to make the best decision for her. I’ll standing by her 100 percent either way.

Bringing this full circle back to Mrs. Letterman, I’m certain someone she considered as a friend knew about the affairs and didn’t tell her. In my opinion, that person was not her friend; but indeed her enemy plotting against her.

Note: When writing this, I generalized men as the cheaters and women as the victims. This was done for ease of writing (and because more often than not, this is the case). I know women cheat too. No need to write me a comment making that point. Just so you know, I feel the same level of loyalty to my male friends... I'd tell on a woman just as quickly.

The Woman Speaks of Letting Go

Like Langston Hughes’ The Negro Speaks of Rivers, here is That Teowonna’s The Woman Speaks of Letting Go.

I’m no poet… certainly not one of Langston Hughes’ caliber. But I am a writer… again, not one of Hughes’ immense talent. When I went out to my car today on my lunch break, instead of taking a little siesta (as I’ve been known to do when I don’t sleep well the night before) I used Nino Brown, my beloved Crackberry, (Nino Brown, crack, get it?) to pull up Langston Hughes’ poem, The Negro Speaks of Rivers. I don’t speak of rivers and I can’t pen prose like Langston. But I can speak of letting go.

Funny thing about me is no matter what other projects I have going on (paid or unpaid), everything else takes a distant second to what’s going on in my heart. Cynthia Hardy is waiting for me to send her an outline of this weekend’s radio talk show; I have two book-editing projects waiting to be edited; a newspaper that needs to go to the printer tomorrow before 12. And I am thinking of a Langston Hughes poem. So to get what’s on my heart off, (so I can earn my paycheck and keep Nino Brown from being temporarily disconnected so I won't have to go cold turkey), I decided to speak of my own river; the ever-flowing river of letting go.

Why is it so hard for women to let go? Many of us care very deeply and continue to hold on way after it is clear we should be long gone. My theory is that this is by God's design. The Lord designed us to be more softhearted and more forgiving because men are so heavily flawed. Men have an uncanny knack for screwing up a good thing. As carnal (and stupid) as men can be, relationships and society would be in a far worse state of despair if we women were not as forgiving as we are.

In these days of gross role reversal, women are letting go a lot quicker than they used to. This is not a good thing. How many of our grandmothers got a divorce verses our mothers? How many of our mothers divorced versus us? Women of old, hung in there. Women of new, let go. Again, not a positive trend.

But here is the thing… men are going to do their dirt; there is no getting around that. Some men are a little dirtier than others. Some are just a little dusty while others are down right grimy. But each of us (women) have our own tolerance level. One woman may tolerate a little more than another. We tolerate more from one man than we would another. But one thing every smart woman must learn is when to cut her losses and let go.

In my estimation, women have three basic needs. To be provided for, protected and fulfilled. Men were created to fulfill those needs. It is innate. But when we find ourselves getting less and less of those needs met, it is time to consider letting go. When we don't feel safe, our hearts and spirits are not being fulfilled, and our emotional and physical needs are not being provided, it may be time to step.

But here is the thing… when we finally do decide to ‘roll out’ we often feel compelled to come back in... as if we didn't get enough the first time. That again, I believe is by God’s grand design. We women MUST be forgiving and willing to give it yet another try; that’s the only way mankind will survive with men being as heavily flawed as many of them are.

And men count on that. They count on us to forgive. They count on us to take them back when perhaps we shoudn't... try to make them be ‘the one’ even though it is clear they are not. They count on our soft hearts to let them back into our souls, lives and beds time and time again. And we do.

Until… until all free tokens have been spent… until all get-out-of-jail-free cards have been pulled from the deck. Then and only then, is it really over. The problem is men and women don't always know when the last song has been played. Sometimes it sneaks up on both of us. We’ve forgiven far bigger sins. We’ve let greater transgressions slide. But when ‘it’ happens, it happens. Until then, he can come and go; he can hurt, lie, cheat and steal. But when we finally have our fill, we are full.

Like the negro who knew of rivers, I’ve known of letting go. And by God’s grand design, I’ve known of forgiveness and giving it many more tries. But God’s grand design is for my soft heart to forgive… not to be a fool.

So, this time, the same heart that made me come back time and time again, now says it’s time to let go.

Unpopular Truths According to That Teowonna - Truth #1

Unpopular truth #1
When old people die, racism will die.

A very close older white friend asked me the other day why everything seems to be about race. She asked why we (all of us as a people) just couldn’t get over the racial thing. I told her just as calmly as I am telling you, “When old people die, racism will die.”

It’s no secret that I feel a little differently about racism than many other black people. If you catch the PA Bennet Show, a daily radio talk show on 620 AM on any given day of the week, you will hear me say in no uncertain terms that I think black people perpetuate racism just as much as white people do. Even more so, I think that old black people and old white people are the main catalysts of enduring racism. While both deny it, both carry hatred in their hearts and BOTH refuse to let racism die. That’s why I believe that when old people die, racism will die!

Younger people, and I define younger as 36 and below – because I am 36 – have a different perspective and outlook on racism. That is primarily because we are younger… we have not lived and experienced the same things older people, like my mother and her mother, have experienced. Therefore, we do not see racism in many of the things that older people do. For example, when the New York Post chimp cartoon compared the stimulus author to the primate Travis that was gunned down days before, I was one of only two people at my birthday party that felt the political cartoon was not racist. The other person who shared my feelings was a 23 year old.

Each of us is a product of our past. I understand why older people, black and white, feel the way they do… especially black people. It is completely understandable. But the problem is even though many may not recognize it, they propel their feelings and experiences onto the younger generation, saying they are “enlightening us!” Actually, what they are doing is trying to skew our perception based on their experiences. That’s not fair. That’s not fair to the innocence of younger generations.

Older generations: you should not expect the younger generation to live our lives as if we have lived yours… as if we have experienced what you have experienced. Think about that for a moment… that's rather profound. Yes, I agree that I am completely blind to a lot of the hatred and discrimination that you have experienced. But isn’t that why you fought, and marched, and sat in... so that I wouldn’t have to experience that hatred and discrimination? Now that I live as if I haven’t experienced it, many of you are angry and call me ignorant and an ingrate. Neither of which could be further from the truth.

Because older people on both ends of the racial spectrum (black and white)have come out of an era of unabashed racism, once they pass away (and I really do mean that in the absolute most respectful manner possible), the younger generation, who have not experienced racism in quite the same way, will begin to impart their views and ideals onto the world, without the looming veil of racism.

Have you noticed that young children do not see race? Have you noticed the increased level of interracial dating that is going on today? Have you noticed that America is getting browner and less black and white? When is the last time you went to a high school sports game and observed young people? When you go, you will see young people, black and white, co-mingling in a way their parents never had the luxury of experiencing. This is proof that younger people do not see race like older people do. This is proof that as older people pass away, the racism of the last 200 plus years will slowly pass away as well.

Now, don’t get me wrong… there will always be discrimination. But I believe it will be based on class, and not race.

I know racism is a hot topic these days, especially in this day of Professor Gates/Sargeant Crowley, Joe Wilson, town hall meeting, and the blatant disrespect of our first black president. But I am very optimistic that in my lifetime, even more significant changes and progress regarding race relations will be made. I am even more hopeful for the future of our children.

Are Men the Reason Women are so Unhappy?

Last week, The Huffington Post sent me my daily dose of news, politics and blogs. Some I read, many I didn’t. But that day’s lead blog got my attention. It was a blog from Arianna Huffington titled, The Sad, Shocking Truth About How Women Are Feeling. Arianna’s blog ultimately said that women around the world are generally unhappy. She then passed the ball to a leading expert in personal strength. That goes to show, you can be a self-proclaimed expert in anything. In his blog, Marcus Buckingham basically outlined the evidence the United States General Social Survey has found since 1972… women’s overall level of happiness has declined relative to where they were 40 years ago and relative to men.

I was so intrigued by the findings of this study that I almost read the whole thing. I immediately did a self-assessment to determine, if that were true, why I was unhappy. I thought about all the instances in my life in which I was unhappy and quickly determined that MEN were the cause of my unhappiness. All the times in my life in which I felt burdened, down-trodden, pained, unhappy, and right down miserable, a man was somewhere around.

When I was 16 years old, I had a seriously unhappy spell. That was my first broken heart. Here’s the thing, I broke up with him yet, I was the one that was completely miserable.

I recall another serious bout with unhappiness and damn near depression when I was living in Dallas, Tx. That was my first experience living with a man. Again, I had to give him the boot because I didn’t think he was as true as my man should be. So, he met the same fate as many before and after him… but again, I was the one moaning and groaning. What’s with me? I remember my grandfather T-Bo saying, ‘Teowonna, I’ll be damn. You the only woman I know to break up with a man and cries more that he does.’ I’m still working on that, Granddaddy. Trying to toughen up!

Years later, I experienced a more advanced level of unhappiness brought on again by heartache and feelings of abandonment when my husband passed. His death was so untimely and unfair. Just as we were finally finding our footing in the marriage thing, he passed away. Talk about unhappiness, confusion and disappointment.

Five years after my husband’s death, I experienced another bout with unhappiness and downright misery. I would tell you about that but I was asked not to discuss our relationship in my blogs anymore. As if you know or even care who he is. So to honor his request, I’ll just say that was a period of unhappiness in my life. Punk!

Just as I thought I had an explanation for all the unhappiness of the women of the world, it dawned on me that all of my experiences with unhappiness, a few of which I listed above, were situational. Anybody, man or woman would probably be unhappy during times of death, heartache and heartbreak. But the study specified women overall are unhappy. That is more like an internal discontentment with our general state of being, not in response to our current situation. So, I then had to abandon my ‘men are the root of all things evil’ theory.

An hour or so later, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Women are generally more unhappy than men, but WE are the blame for that. Nobody else. Just us. Here is why.

The Huffington Post article laid out an example of a woman in the 1969. Even though she probably would have thought that in 2009 we would be traveling in futuristic space cars, she probably could not have fathomed that the number of women receiving bachelors and masters degrees would outnumber men. She probably would not believe that a woman came very close to being elected President of the United States, Vice President, or that women are currently serving as Secretary of State and Speaker of the House. Like the Huffington Post article suggested, the 1969 lady would have found it difficult to believe that by 2009, four out of the eight Ivy League universities--Harvard, Brown, Penn and Princeton--would have female presidents. In other words, it would have been more realistic for a 1969 women to believe that we would be travelling in cars that hover in air than having a female as President of the United States.

What great strides we women have made! We should feel like we are on top of the world! What do we have to be unhappy about? Everything, that’s what! All of the advances that we have made is the problem. We have accomplished and done so much that we don’t know our roles in life, marriage and relationships anymore. We have taken on our roles and duties, as well as that of men, and now we are unhappy.

I can already hear women saying that I am setting women’s liberation and achievement back by 50 years. I’ve already been accused by a very close girlfriend of ‘just wanting someone to take care of me.’ But that’s so not true. What I’m saying will bring us great relief if we just recognize and accept what I am saying.

I think back to my grandmother. I recall her, Havana Cox, generally being a happy woman. She worked a little job cleaning this white family’s house and raising their children after she had raised her own. Even though she worked outside of the house, she knew her role in the family. She was T-Bo’s help meet. She cooked, cleaned, went to the grocery store on Saturday and fried chicken and baked cakes on Sunday. Even though T-Bo drank too much on Fridays, it never seemed to faze her. She went on to her prayer meetings and just enjoyed her life and her grandchildren. She sat on the front porch snapping beans for dinner or hanging loads and loads of laundry on the line as Granddaddy chopped and brought wood in for the wood-burning heater. My grandmother was happier because she new who she was and her role in the grand scheme of the universe. She was a mother, grandmother, wife, and helpmeet.

Nowadays, we turn our children over to the daycares to raise while we run off and slay the dragons, which used to be the man’s job. We override our husband’s decisions; we make the money; we have to write the checks to pay the bills because we can’t trust him and his judgment; we are the heads of the household instead of helpmeets. And now, studies show our happiness is steadily decreasing, while the man’s is increasing. That’s what we get for trying to be the woman and the man.

And for that same reason, men are getting happier. In our quest to be superwomen, we are lightening their loads significantly. And their expectations and responsibilities are quickly and easily adjusting to our new-found manliness. They have absolutely no reason to be unhappy! We are taking on more and more and they are being required to do less and less. We are bringing home the bacon, frying it, paying the electricity bill that powered the stove, washing the plates we ate out of, paying the mortgage that houses the stove and the dishwasher, and trying to out-screw every other woman that we think might be looking at our men. No wonder we are unhappy… and exhausted too. And the men are sitting back enjoying the benefits of our self-induced tragedy. As much as I am fan on equal opportunity, I think it is becoming clear that women’s lib has screwed us!

Ladies, listen up. I believe the findings of the United States General Social Survey; we are an unhappy group of fools. It is a bitter pill to swallow, but we are the sole reason for our discontentment. We’ve made our beds… you know the rest!

Williams, Wilson, West: Whose Reprimand was Most Effective?

Outbursts. That seems to be the new ‘it’ word to describe the loud, unruly release of emotions from people that we expect better behavior from. But in my opinion, outbursts are just people being who they really are. That’s pretty profound, if I do say so myself. But society has a way of whipping the deviants back in line with several levels of reprimands. Some , more effective than others.

The Financial Reprimand
Serena Williams. Can you believe it? The golden girl (or should I say bronze girl) of tennis lost her cool, in a most unattractive way. On Saturday during the U.S. Open, Serena berated and badgered a tennis official who called her on a foot violation. Williams stared the official down, spewed words that I’d dare not repeat here, just before threatening to shove the tennis ball down the official’s throat. Not cute at all… even more inappropriate and unattractive than the catsuit she flaunted a few years ago.

What happened to sportsmanship? What happened to couth? What happened to manners? I guess you can take the girl out of Compton but…

For her disturbing outburst, Williams was fined $10,500. To rate the effectiveness of her reprimand, I’d give it a Least Effective. When you are worth millions, a few thousand mean nothing. If you really wanted to punish her, tell her she can’t ever wear the catsuit again!

The Written Reprimand
Joe Wilson. Like many of you, I was flabbergasted when it became clear that the audible words in the middle of President Obama’s congressional address were ‘You lie!’ I was even more stunned and a little ashamed to find out those now famous words were yelled by a US Representative from my state. I was even more ashamed that I actually voted for him!

Here’s the thing. I was conflicted when I voted for Wilson. Everything in me told me to vote for the newcomer, Rob Miller, who struck me as a respectable non-politician with whom I could trust my vote. But Wilson had my vote with a single letter from Congress.

When I was working with the Carolina Panorama newspaper, I was the primary writer for a special newspaper tribute to America’s combat vets. To complete the publication, I interviewed about 30 combat vets and wrote almost every one of their stories; a painstaking task. But it was well worth it when I saw the gratitude on the veterans' faces having had their stories finally told and recorded in history. And when I received a personal letter from Joe Wilson, addressed to me on bona fid congressional letterhead, my pride was incontainable. I said that I would cherish that letter forever. Funny thing though, I couldn’t find it to when I wanted to refer to it for this blog. But anyway, with that signed letter from Joe Wilson, my vote had been won.

Now, a week after Wilson’s outburst, Congress has passed a Resolution of Disapproval. The final count: 240 to 173. I applaud Congressman Jim Clyburn for heading up this action. Under no circumstances should a breach of decorum this significant be tolerated. It sets a precedent that would diminish the respect demanded of the Presidential office.

Now, for the big question. Where does this formal reprimand fall on the barometer of effectiveness? Initially, due to the financial sanctions and votes of support that Wilson is experiencing as a result of the outburst, it would appear that the reprimand would get a Least Effective. rating It seems to be nothing more than a formal slap on the wrist, a note of disobedience in his personnel file. But years from now, history is going to show Joe Wilson in a far more unfavorable light. Just like years from now, history will likely show President Obama as a hero. So, while Wilson is experiencing a brief moment of afterglow, history will not be quite as kind. When his life story is written, this reprimand will be a more than just a blemish. It will be a history-altering, irremovable stain. At that time, the reprimand will graduate to More Effective.

The Internal Reprimand
Kanye West. Picture this. You are a young sweet 19 year-old winning your first MTV Video Music Award. Even more, you just beat out one of the most well-known performers alive. Before you can even say all your ‘thank-yous’, like a flash, here is a fool snatching the mic away from you and basically saying you didn’t deserve the award. What do you do? Cry? Run off the stage? Both?

That’s what Taylor Swift tried to figure out when Kanye West bombarded her onstage at this years’ MTV VMA’s. Thanks to the gracious and classy actions of Beyonce’, Taylor Swift later received her moment in the spotlight.

The world and their mama were outraged at West’s actions. What had come over that man to make him do something so grotesquely disrespectful? One year, he threw a tantrum because he didn’t get an award. Another year, he all but gave his award to someone else that he said actually deserved it more. And this year, he gave someone else’s award to someone else. What is with this guy? Does he have an allergic reaction to award shows?

Well, as far as I know, Kanye West has not received a written reprimand. Nor has he received a financial reprimand. His reprimand came by way of a shameful, contrite moment delivered by Jay Leno. When Leno asked West what his deceased mother would have thought of his actions, I think West finally realized just how deplorable his actions truly were.

On the effectiveness barometer, the internal reprimand gets a Most Effective. When who you are and all the money you have can't erase the memory of what you have done, you have seriously violated the established social mores. When just the thought of your mother's disappointment in you brings you to near-tears, you have committed a major infraction against a truly undeserving soul.

The internal reprimand. When your actions against another keeps you up at night, steals your appetite, makes it difficult for you look stand the sight of yourself, makes you question your own being, you have truly committed a major offense. Man, what a price to pay.

A good man, a good person would think long an hard before ever hurting someone like that again. One who has some deep-rooted issues, delusions of grandeur and narcissistic tendencies will continue to do it after the initial discomfort has worn off. I hope Kanye West isn't the latter of the two.

Wives forgive Husbands, South Carolinians can Forgive Sanford

Last week, I sang the praises of Vickie Kennedy and how she saved Senator Ted Kennedy. It is true that Senator Kennedy was buried a flawed yet reformed man instead of a disgrace and an old fool. I gave much of that credit to his wife, Vickie. But I also recognize Father Time and God had a lot to do with Senator Kennedy’s transformation.

In my Kennedy blog, I outlined many of his flaws… from cheating on a test while at Harvard to cheating on his wife. These are the more mild offenses. But even after many of a transgression, Kennedy was forgiven time and time again. He went up on ethics charges twice; both times, the charges were dropped days later. Why were the American people (and the Senate Ethics Committee) so willing to forgive Senator Kennedy? Is it simply because he was a Kennedy and many revered the family even though oftentimes their actions were beyond reverence? Or are we really a forgiving people who look for the good in people? We love a comeback story, don’t we?

Remember Bill Clinton and the Monica Lewinsky scandal? I remember that situation very vividly because I was living in Dallas, TX and had just broken up with my boyfriend whom I suspected cheated on me. I didn’t have a very high regard for men at that time… so President’s Clinton’s poor discretion didn’t do very much to renew my confidence. But ultimately, like I did my ex-boyfriend, the American people seemingly forgave Bill Clinton and moved on. In spite of his transgression, President Clinton will still go down in history as one of America’s favorite and most effective presidents… especially among black people.

I know woman after woman who have forgiven men who have wronged them in the worst way. Myself included And men have been known to forgive women, depending on the nature of the crime, of course. Cheating, probably not. But lesser crimes that don’t shake their faith in the woman, the chances of forgiveness are higher.

So having said that, as a people, we have forgiven political leaders time and time again. As individuals, we have forgiven those we love even more often. So why, please explain, can’t or won’t we forgive Mark Sanford?

I agree that what Manford (my new abbreviation for Mark Sanford) did show a huge lack of judgment. It was inexcusable. So was leaving a drowning woman in a car for eight hours. So was performing any sexual act in the White House with any woman other than your wife. But we forgave.

Just yesterday, House Speaker Bobby Harrell joined other Republicans who said that Manford should resign because the state would get “bogged down” in the embattled governor’s distractions. He is right… the state will get bogged down, especially since people like him and other high-ranking republicans will not let it go!

Have you noticed how there seems to be more Republicans calling for Manford’s resignation than Democrats? Why is that? You would think Manford’s own party would be backing him… more willing to forgive him. Well, the reason is simple… the Republican party wants to cut ties with Manford as soon as possible so they can have as much of a fresh start as possible in the next election. They want to say, “Yes, we voted Manford in for two terms, but when he did wrong, we cut him loose with a quickness!” By denouncing Manford, they can continue to claim to be the ‘moral majority’ and send a message to any future governor who takes that notion to flee the country to get a little foreign nookie.

Now why aren’t Democrats making more noise to have Manford thrown out of the Governor’s Mansion carrying trash bags full of clothes? Because they know what (or should I say who), would be coming down the pike… Andre Bauer. Trust me when I say, the state is better off with Manford for the next fifteen months than Andre Bauer. I mean, do we really want the state to be run by the likes of Andre Bauer? At least with Manford, we know he will walk the straight and narrow with the spotlight on him. Who knows what Bauer will do? Who knows what might happen the moment he walks across the threshold of the Governor’s Mansion. I might wake up the next morning and not have running water… the whole state might just crack off from the rest of the nation and drift out into the Atlantic Ocean. And since most black people can’t swim… I think we need to let Manford spend the remaining few months in office.

Ultimately, this blog is about forgiveness. Why are some more deserving of forgiveness than others? Because of their family name? Because he has done a lot for a nation and a race of people? A sin is a sin. We all do it. Everyone deserves to be forgiven. When I have forgiven those who have wronged me, sometimes the relationship can be mended; others, we just have to move on. In my relationship with Manford, I am willing to not only forgive him but not support any efforts to impeach him. This is a relationship I am willing to mend.

I agree with Manford, this is pure ‘playing politics’ and he still has some work to do. Remember the last time your husband or wife slipped up and did something wrong? Sometimes the things they are willing to do and go through to make it up to you was worth the screw up. I think Mark Sanford has learned his lesson. History was been written and he will not be remembered politely. So I say let him do his best to rewrite it. Let him spend these last 15 months trying to make it up to us! South Carolina may be all the better for it.

In Defense of Strong Women – How Vicki Kennedy Saved Ted Kennedy

Our American media is like none other in the world. When something significant happens, we pick the bones dry, examining every square centimeter of every angle, until there is nothing left to the imagination. During this past week of Senator Ted Kennedy's memorials, every aspect of his life was exposed and up for discussion. I couldn’t help but take note how imperfect a person Senator Kennedy was.

I must admit that I didn’t know very much about Senator Kennedy’s early days and the events that lead many to describe his life as ‘flawed’. Through interactive timelines and the magic of the Internet, I was able to read many original New York Times articles that described the less than ideal events in Senator Kennedy’s life. Here are the incidents that seem to have particularly checkered his legacy:

May 1951: Ted Kennedy is caught cheating on a Spanish exams and leaves Harvard College. He enlists in the Army for 16 months and later re-enrolled in Harvard.

November 1958: Ted Kennedy marries former model and New York debutante, Virginia Joan Bennett.

March 1962: Ted Kennedy runs for Senate less than a month after he turns 30.

November 1962: Ted Kennedy is elected to the Senate after a bitter fight with Edward J. McCormick.

July 18, 1969: Accident at Chappaquiddick – Senator Kennedy drives his car off of a bridge at Chappaquiddick, Ma. and manages to escape. His passenger, Mary Jo Kopechne, drowns. Kennedy waits eight hours to report the accident, explaining he wandered about in apparent shock. Others said Kennedy waited until he sobered up the next morning before calling the police. Kennedy pleads guilty to leaving the scene of an accident.

July 25, 1969: Kennedy seeks forgiveness – After mounting controversy, Senator Kennedy delivers a television address to explain his actions and ask voters if he should resign. He conceded that his actions were ‘indefensible’ but denied any intentional wrongdoing. A year later, Kennedy is reelected.

December 1982: Senator Kennedy and wife, Joan, divorce after 24 years of marriage. Mrs. Kennedy said her husband was a womanizer. After the divorce, Senator Kennedy is said to have often drank and caroused in Washington with a fellow senator and chased women.

1989: European paparazzi photographs Kennedy having sex on a motorboat.

March 1991: A woman accuses Senator Kennedy's nephew of rape at the Kennedy family estate in Palm Beach Fl.

June 1991: An ethics complaint is filed against Kennedy alleging his conduct in the rape case against his nephew violated Senate rules. The complaint also asserted that the Senator initially failed to cooperate with the Palm Beach police. Eight days later, the complaint was dismissed.

June 1991: Ted Kennedy and Victoria Reggie meet at a party celebrating her parent’s 40 wedding anniversary. Ted Kennedy said of this meeting, “I had known Vicki before, but this was the first time I think I really saw her.”

October 1991: Kennedy Apologizes to the Voters. In a discussion of his future in politics, Kennedy said: “I recognize my own shortcomings – the faults in the conduct of my private life. I realize that I alone am responsible for them, and I am the one who must confront them.” He added, “I believe that each of us as individuals must not only struggle to make a better world, but to make ourselves better, too.” Kennedy vows to clean up his life and do better.

July 1992: Kennedy marries Victoria Reggie.

This timeline of the life of a public servant is like none other I’ve ever seen. I can’t imagine how a public figure could embarrass himself and his family time and time again as Senator Kennedy did. I’m sure Joan Kennedy was a good woman and wife. Before she met her husband, Joan was high-society debutant and a model. She bored Senator Kennedy’s three children and stood by his side as he recovered from a broken back which he sustained in a plane crash. She even stood by his side through the Chappaquiddick accident and through his public promiscuity and blatant disregard her feelings and public perception. Senator Kennedy basically drove Joan to drinking and she finally divorced him.

Why couldn’t Joan and Ted Kennedy make a go of their marriage? Simple: Joan just wasn’t the one and Ted just wasn’t ready.

I also think Senator Kennedy suffered from survivor’s guilt. After all his older brothers had tragically preceded him in death, I think the guilt of surviving hindered him from recognizing his potential and the vision of who he was to become. Guilt kept Senator Kennedy from realizing the man he was called to be.

Then, Senator Kennedy rescue came when he met Vicki Reggie in 1991. Vicki was the daughter of Senator Kennedy’s close friend. She had graduated magna cum laude from Tulane University, then summa cum laude from Tulane University Law School. Vicki was an accomplished lawyer and had been raised in a political family. When she and Ted emerged as a couple in September 1991, it was clear that she was the one and Senator Kennedy was ready.

During my research, it seems that after 40 years in politics, all of a sudden, Senator Kennedy’s personal life stopped stealing the glory of his political career. It seems after Kennedy’s marriage to Vickie, his private life stabilized and his life as a public servant began to flourish. He accomplished some of his best feats after he married Vicki.

On the Saturday morning that Senator Ted Kennedy was eulogized, ABC News’ Chris Cuomo asked Vice President Biden: [When Edward M. Kennedy was elected to the Senate, the New York Times wrote a scathing review, saying the only thing he had going for his was his name. Today, he has one of the most decorated obituaries the paper has ever done. What happened to change the perception of Senator Kennedy?]

Vice President Biden said, "Every mistake he made in his life, he made a lie out of the mistake by the way he lived the rest of his life."

Vicki Kennedy is the reason Senator Kennedy outlived his mistakes. Vickie Kennedy is the only reason Ted Kennedy is going down in history as a champion rather than a disgrace. When Senator Ted married Vicki, he found his redemption. At last, Senator Kennedy had found someone strong enough to stabilize his personal life.

Strong women, women who hold their own, women with strong personalities and opinions are often looked upon with disdain. Some men feel threatened, saying a strong woman would not let him be a man. I’ll admit it: strong women are not for everybody. Every man can’t handle the standards they set; they can’t clear the bar over which they are required to leap. But sometimes, it takes a strong woman to tame a wild-spirited, heavily flawed man. Sometimes, it takes the strength of a woman to help a man realize his full potential. Sweet, pretty women are good. But sometimes it takes a strong woman to save a man.

Time to Come Clean

Today after I’d finished my lunch, I decided to pull my car into a shady spot and relax for the remainder of my lunch break. I had a ton of things that I should have been doing, (like editing the articles for this week’s newspaper) but I opted to enjoy the rare cool breeze that was coming through my opened car windows. As my lunch hour winded down, Nino Brown delivered an email from The Huffington Post to me that got my attention. It read: Study Shows Massive Rise In ADHD Drug Abuse Among Teens. Since I admittedly don’t read things thoroughly, I thought the article was going to be about an increase in the number of children being diagnosed with ADHD. But it wasn’t about that at all. It was about teens using ADHD medication to get high.

The article said there has been a surge from 1998 to 2005 in calls to poison control centers from panicky parents and children relating to children’s misuse of ADHD medication. It said calls relating to ADHD drugs in particular have increased from 330 to 581, with four teens having died from misuse of the drugs. That frightens me. Perhaps because the medicine is FDA approved, the children think it is safer than doing some type of illegal drug. But we know that is not true; any drug can be deadly if it is misused.

This brings me to my drug use. Believe it or not, I have NEVER used drugs of any kind. NONE! No weed, no x, no acid, no nothing. Even in college, I managed to graduate with a joint having never kissed these lips. I came pretty close once though… My sorors and I were hanging out with a ‘wild and crazy fraternity’ and the weed was being passed around liberally. I got very curious because everyone seemed to be enjoying it. I had it in my hand getting ready to give it a puff when a soror looked at me and said, “Uh-uh, Tee. If you’ve never done it, don’t start now.” That pretty much ended my curiosity right then and there. I don’t think I ever thanked my soror for that, but if she had not been the true sister that sorors are supposed to be, I wouldn’t be able to boast today that That Teowonna! is and always has been drug free!

That brings me to another point. Those of you who have meet me or have had friendships or some other type of relationship with me, may have thought was a little kooky and high strung; I must be on something. Well, I wasn’t on anything; I’m just naturally kooky and high strung. But I have been harboring a secret for about four years now that may explain my kookiness. Very few people know and those who do know, I forbade them from sharing. So here it is, once and for all. Here’s my big secret:

That Teowonna! has been diagnosed with adult ADD.

There, I’ve said it! I’m sure my friends and former paramours are saying, “I know something was wrong with your crazy azz.” As you will see from the symptoms below, I am a classic, text book case.

Symptom: Difficulty getting and staying organized.
Teowonna: My house and desk are always a little unkempt. Ok, a lot unkempt. I count on TeeDee (my cleaning lady) to keep me organized at home. Unfortunately, I don’t have a TeeDee in the workplace.
Symptom: Frequently misplace things.
Teowonna: I loose my keys or debit card almost on a weekly basis.
Symptom: Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
Teowonna: Nothing seems really important until 5 minutes before it is due. I never pack for trips in advance. NEVER.
Symptom: Trouble in going through established channels and following proper procedure.
Teowonna: They just trying to control me!
Symptom: Many projects going simultaneously; trouble with follow through.
Teowonna: Here are my projects/talents – blogger, copywriter, communications specialist, newspaper editor, book editor, radio talk show producer, and plenty more. The things I get paid for are the things I am more likely to follow through on. Sad, but true.
Symptom: A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
Teowonna: I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking!
Symptom: A frequent search for high stimulation.
Teowonna: Hence my recent bad, drama-filled relationship.
Symptom: An intolerance of boredom.
Teowonna: Going back to the bad, drama-filled relationship, even after I kicked him to the curb.
Symptom: Easy distractibility; trouble focusing attention.
Teowonna: That’s why I’m writing this blog right now instead of doing something that is far more important.
Symptom: Tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with an inability to focus at times.
Teowonna: I can’t stand long conference calls or meetings. I have no trouble tuning people out who are saying something I don’t want to hear.
Symptom: A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished).
Teowonna: Don’t let this confident façade fool you. I constantly replay things over and over in my mind, searching for things I’ve done wrong.
Symptom: Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
Teowonna: I’m quick to kick a fool to the curb. Did I say good night? I meant good bye!
Symptom: A sense of insecurity.
Teowonna: Nobody loves me.
Symptom: Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as an impulsive spending of money.
Teowonna: Impulsive in action and verbally, for sure. In spending money? If I had it, I’m sure I could spend it impulsively.
Symptom: A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with attention to or disregard for actual dangers.
Teowonna: This is the worst for me. Even when things are good, I find something to worry about. All the things I worry about seldom happen… and usually never as bad as I imagined.
Symptom: Chronic problems with self-esteem.
Teowonna: I maul things over time and time again in my head. I replay conversations constantly.
Symptom: Mood swings, especially when disengaged from a person or a project.
Teowonna: If I don’t have a ton of projects falling off my plate, I feel useless and confused. Did I already say no body love me?
Symptom: A tendency toward addictive behavior.
Teowonna: That’s why I’ve never taken any drugs, weed, nothing (other than a little red wine). I might like it too much!
Symptom: Inaccurate self-observation.
Teowonna: Most people think they are better than they actually are. I usually think I am worse that I actually am.
Symptom: Family history of AD/HD or manic depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood.
Teowonna: On my paternal side.
Symptom: Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent.
Teowonna: This makes everything else 100% worth it!







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