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Unspoken Co-conspirators of Unfaithful Men

Today, I’m going to tackle the whole David Letterman thing. I am a Conan fan, so I wasn’t tuned in the night Dave made his announcement. But I did see it on the Today Show the next morning. What an ominous feeling that was for me, hearing yet another man of power and position confess his indiscretions… multiple indiscretions, might I add. Even though I was shocked and disappointed in Dave, I must admit that I was not disappointed in him the same way I was in Governor Mark Sanford, Bill Clinton and other elected officials. While David Letterman has a pubic position, (oops! I meant public) I did not elect him to his position. I hold those I elect to represent me to a higher standard. Forget that ‘he’s just a man’ crap. He [an elected official] is a man that should know and do better.

The moment I heard Dave admit that he’d had several indiscretions with women who work for him, I felt several distinct emotions pouring from me. Perhaps the most significant was the emotion of sorrow… for his wife, Regina Lasko. While Meredith Vieira and everyone else focused on Dave and the jokes he told in attempt to minimize the fiasco, I focused on his wife. How sad, angry, humiliated and betrayed she must have felt… and is still feeling. While all were focused on Dave, my heart went out to his wife.

I know first hand the humiliation Mrs. Letterman felt when she realized that everybody except her knew that her man was cheating on her. It must have felt like a conspiracy among everyone against her. How could they look at her at the Christmas party and smile in her face? Wish her Merry Christmas with a kiss on the cheeks? Hold the mistletoe for her and Dave to kiss underneath when they all knew he was cheating on her. Trust me; it is not a good feeling.

But I’m not going to talk about the betrayal of the men in the affairs. I’m not even going to talk about the other women who enable the men to cheat in the first place. Today, I am talking about the little-acknowledged co-conspirators in extramarital and other elicit affairs… the friends of the victim.

Question: Ladies, if you see your good friend’s man out with another woman, do you tell her? Unfortunately, many of you are going to answer 'no'. But guess what, That Teowonna does not feel that way. That Teowonna tells! You've heard of the 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy, right? I have a strict, 'I'm gonna tell' policy. If fact, you never have to question if I will tell; you only need to wonder how fast I will tell. I might tell today, tomorrow, or the next day… but I will tell. And you better believe it will be sooner rather than later.

I know many of you may say that is none of my business; my friend might get mad at me; she might not want to know; he might just be out with a co-worker; blah blah blah. All that is well and dandy. Valid points. But I am still telling. And here’s why: the moment I keep his confidence, I am conspiring with him against my friend.., and trust me, that's not happening. He is not my friend, she is.

So you say it isn’t any of my business? I beg to differ. Anything that is not in my friend’s best interest and I am aware of it, is my business. Anybody trying to do her harm, is my business. I would feel like a heel if I knew her man was cheating on her and didn’t tell her.

She might get mad, you say? Let her. I don’t care. I am a friend… we get mad from time to time. I will still be her friend when she realizes that I told her because I love her.

She might not want to know, is another popular excuse. Well guess what, whether she wants to know or not, she NEEDS to know and it is my DUTY as a friend to tell her. Anything less are the actions of an enemy, not a friend.

It just might be a co-worker or a friend. Might be. Might not. First of all, I know the difference between a date and two co-workers grabbing a bite to eat. And if you are honest, you do too. If they are just friends, then my girlfriend already knows her, right? If not, she will, because I’m going to tell her. If I misjudge the situation, what’s the big deal if it is innocent? Women know their men. If it is innocent, then it won’t register on her radar… but if dude is already prone to cheat, my warning might just be what she needs to put her antenna up a little higher.

Just so you know, I think my friends have a different theory than I do. I don’t think they would tell me. They used to tell me when something didn’t look too kosher. Now I don't think they would because I might ask the guy about it. You doggone right I am going to ask him. (I really want to say ‘confront him’ but that sounds a little too combative!) I don’t think they liked the fact that I may say "Michelle said..." or "Pam saw..." Well, I can see how they may have a problem with that. But I don’t have a problem if they say “Teowonna saw you.” In fact, I want her to tell him that I said it. Because he needs to know that I ain’t his friend…I am her friend and she is getting her info from a reliable source! The moment I fail to report his dealings, I am acting as a co-conspirator against my friend… and the true-blue friend that I am will not let me do that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to go running, tattling like a little child… “Uhh I’m telling”… “Giiirl guess what I saw.” That's silly and irresponsible. I will find an appropriate way to mention what I saw in a mature respectable manner. After I tell her, I've done my duty as a friend. Now what she does with the information is completely up to her. If she wants to confront him, she can. If she doesn’t, that’s fine with me. If she just wants to keep a closer eye on things… that's ok. If she forgives him, I’m cool with that too. I trust her to make the best decision for her. I’ll standing by her 100 percent either way.

Bringing this full circle back to Mrs. Letterman, I’m certain someone she considered as a friend knew about the affairs and didn’t tell her. In my opinion, that person was not her friend; but indeed her enemy plotting against her.

Note: When writing this, I generalized men as the cheaters and women as the victims. This was done for ease of writing (and because more often than not, this is the case). I know women cheat too. No need to write me a comment making that point. Just so you know, I feel the same level of loyalty to my male friends... I'd tell on a woman just as quickly. Edit


ThatTeowonna, in saying that you are telling that you are working from the premise that he or she is doing something wrong. That there is something to report.

I take a different track, I speak to the person I see. I understand that Scripture is not for everyone but it is for me, and it says that if you see someone in a fault, go to him. (I always thought and felt that this is such a profound concept - talk to the person before reporting.) That way I know what I saw and whether I need to tell my friend.

I am not looking to convict someone, I am concerned. The boyfriend or girlfriend may not be my friend but they are special to my friend and I am not going to hurt my friend over nothing. And after talking to the person, it isn't "telling" to me. Whatever I do after talking to the person, I am cool with. Delete Reply

T, you are too funny! Well if you see my wife out with some dude and it looks suspect, you have my permission to tell...and send me a pic of them from your cell! I'll need that for court. ;) Delete Reply

STICKY situation!!I agree with you T. I would like to know if my husband is cheating, I would apreciate it and check it out. A friend WOULD make it their biz to tell. I also agree with Derek. As soon as I see him/her and the other - I will go up to the person and say "hey" and see what's what. (Better be kosher). Then I would PRAY about it and ask GOD to direct my actions. The next move can change a whole lot of lives. I've seen women being told and get mad at the friend for telling and never speak to that friend again. I also seen a detective hired and a divorce to follow. I've also seen a hurt, brokedown woman who stays and just dies inside. GOD is to be checked with before ANY move one makes! Delete Reply

Derek: You made a very good suggestion. I might do that... your suggestion was also good, Anon. I WILL pray and may I talk the other party. But I'm pretty sure that I will ultimately tell. So Mark, rest assured... it may take me a little longer (after some quiet time with the Lord) but I will definitely let you know if the Missus is stepping out. Delete Reply

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