A Sex Addict or a Bad Seed
If you read my blog last weekend, you caught me in a brief moment of public weakness. If you didn’t catch it, good! (My image with you remains intact!) Nevertheless, I’m back. And the object of my attention this week is ESPN sports analyst, Steve Phillips, and any men who get caught with their pants down and are too punk to accept the consequences of their actions.
Dudes, when will ya’ll get it? Sometimes sex just ain’t worth it! The brief moments of pleasure aren’t worth your family, your job and certainly not your reputation and self-respect. Nothing is more disgusting than a man who is so carnal and short-sighted that he will jeopardize everything he holds dear for a piece of tail. Not even good tail… just different, convenient tail. Bill Maher said, “Women like new shoes; men like new sex.” That is so true. But I have never jeopardized anything I value for a new pair of Manolo Blahniks.
But here is what’s even worse… when a man is caught with his pants down, instead of just saying 'I was wrong, please forgive me' (for the 28th time), he tries to blame his lack of self-control on an addiction. Addiction to sex? Gimme a break! I don't buy the whole sex addiction thing, not for one minute. My theory is it is just a convenient excuse for being promiscuous; for being a bad seed.
I had a conversation with a man today and he said he believes that sex can make men do some foolish things but questions if there is really a dependency on sex like there can be on alcohol and drugs. I found that interesting and it made me think: if someone does anything excessively that society looks down upon, is he an addict, or something much simpler... a deviant? A bad seed? Think about it this way...
I had a cousin, whom I will call Tony, who was a straight up thief. As I recall, Tony started getting in trouble early on. His crime of choice: theft - robbing - stealing. And from what I understand, he was pretty good at it, too; it was years before Tony got caught. When he finally did get busted, he was sentenced to life in prison. Can you imagine that? Life imprisonment for stealing!
After ten years of serving his sentence, Tony’s mother spent a thousands of dollars on a lawyer who took his case back in front of a judge for review. While he was guilty of the crimes, it was determined that the sentence was too harsh and Tony was released.
Initially, Tony was on house arrest. He was confined to the house and could only go a few feet into the yard. One of my relatives asked him if he thought he could stay in the house for the required period of time. He said lightheartedly, “After what I’ve been through, I can stay in the bathroom if I have to.” My family and I were satisfied that Tony had learned his lesson and his life of crime was over when we frequently heard him say that he would never go back to jail. That’s why I was shocked and scared when I heard rumors that he was ‘knocking people in the back of their heads and robbing them’. Say it ain’t so!
Months later, I recall being at work when I got a call from my mother. She said she had some bad news; Tony had robbed a bank. “Oh no!” But that wasn’t all. After Tony was cornered by the police, he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. (Gasp!) I guess Tony meant what he said… he was never going back to jail.
Consider this: after 1o years of 'rehab', my cousin just couldn’t leave the life of robbery and theft behind. Was he a crime addict? Or was he just a bad seed?
Steve Phillips is admitting himself into rehab because he just couldn’t resist sex with other women, even with all he had to loose. Is he a sex addict? Or just a bad seed?
Steve Phillips is no more an addict than Tony was. Both are bad seeds that good women threw good money (and time) away on. Edit
Claiming to be an addict is not a male only thing. How many female teachers have we seen sleep with students? Too many. Why? For the same reason that men sleep with women working for them - because they can.
This is as much a power thing as it is a sexual thing. People like having folks want them. It is human, not male or female. Is it an addiction? Not always.
And even if it is an addiction, folks need to learn to live with it, to be able to say no to it.
I think what SHOULD be more disturbing is the fact that the grown woman that Steve Phillips had sex with confronted his teenage son about the fact that she was sleeping with his dad. Then she showed up at the Phillips home and confronted his wife, which resulted in her being arrested.
Steve McNair is dead.
Cheating is so wrong - I am not excusing it. But he should not have lost his life over it, no one should. Delete Reply
I can't lie...a good piece of tail, hell, even a convenient piece is pretty tempting but not always a good proposition.
Self-control is an essential characteristic for manhood, wealth-building, competitions, raising kids, being married, staying fit, and the list goes on and on.
I think both men and women are equally capable of slipping. Folks can easily get caught up if they are not vigilant about self-control and take their eyes of the potential consequences of their actions.
As a recovering cheat and one who has been cheated on, the hurt that one can cause in the act (or acts) of unfaithfulness (sexual or not) is great. Loss trust, loss relationships, broken families, VD, destroyed reputation, etc are all on the short list.
Now, I know why my men do it, but I have always wondered why fully aware women hook up with those taboo men. But then there is something say about that too, admit it ladies! Delete Reply
Speak the truth speaks the truth!! There is something amazing about a woman. Thank God for that. I really wish women could understand and appreciate the level of desire they can create in a man. Then they would not give themselves away so easily and cheaply.
ThatTeowonna, I think you had a better subject when you left the issue open end like your Facebook post. There are real questions and issues that can spring from that discussion.
By tying this post to a current event it loses its punch, now we're talking about a specific instants and person.
I was taken aback by how quickly and easily women were calling people whores on the Facebook post. I thought it was cool these days to have "friends with benefits" or to sleep with whoever you want whenever you want. I thought it was cool to sleep with someone on the first date? But the responses from Facebook seem to say different.
I really thought that you were on to something with the Facebook post. I may have been wrong but it felt deeper than this. Delete Reply
Oh, That Teowanna!
You hit that one on the head! I never bought that "sex addict" title (seems today it is a "noble" title). I never thought of it as a "male" thing, but while we are there, I never heard women who have cheated and gotten caught say they were sex addicts (not saying they haven't - I just never heard it. PULEEZE!Old tail, new tail, young tail, foreign tail - whatever. It's called tail for a reason (as opposed to the head of something - it is the back of something - the hind). Can one be tempted to cheat? Sure. Prayerfully it is a fleeting thought to disappear immediately. Prayerfully, one will take a look at their lives and realize some things need to be addressed.
Cheating is wrong PERIOD! Bible says:
" No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
(1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV) Delete Reply
The terms "nymphomania" or "nymphomaniac" now referred to as "hypersexuality were coined and used almost exclusively for and about women. We have all heard the phrase "nympho" used to describe a young lady. But I guess that doesn't count.
As for a woman using it as an excuse - the teacher who got pregnant by her student and then continued to see him after getting caught, fired, divorced and jailed sought treatment for a sexual addiction. The teacher in Florida recently caught has also. The teacher who took her student on the run and was caught out west has also sought treatment. True, we are not seeing female celebrities admitting to it except for porn stars trying to remake their image. Ever seen Dr. Drew's show on addiction recovering?
If you haven't heard women using the excuse, it may be because we been too busy taking about cheating men or calling women "whores." Neither of which seems to be Christ like.
And for all you Bible folks, get it right - according to Christ it is not the act that makes it a sin but the thought.
"Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh upon a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
There are plenty of Scriptures about restoring, saving and helping a brother or sister in a fault, too. There is a way we are suppose to approach folks we believe are in the wrong, but I guess those aren't the Scriptures we think we need.
What is really so contrary about this discussion? Once again men are bad, they do bad things to good women, blah, blah, blah. Where is the post about the women who get into these types of relationships and lose their minds? Where is the blog telling them to pull up? There were two individuals in this situation.
Showing up at the man's house, contacting his son - who sounds like the addict? You need proof someone can be addicted, checkout the rest of the Steve Phillips story. This woman lost her mind over him. Where is that on this blog? Why does the woman get a pass?
Talking about her crazy self would have been contrary. Delete Reply
Derek... gotta disagree with your last post. Women generally do crazy things because they are emotionally motivated. Not sexually motivated. She probably was in love with him and he was using her solely for sex.
The woman does not get a pass... her story just isn't the subject of this blog this week. Delete Reply
I believe there is a such thing as sexual addiction. After seeing the young woman Steve Phillips had the affair with, it makes me believe it even more. When most high profile men step out on their wives, they usually do so with a woman who is reasonably attractive. Not only is this woman unattractive, she's got mental issues as well! I'm thinking that Steve must have a sexual addiction to throw everything away for her.
By the way, I discovered your blog after reading the post Lori Johnson wrote about you over at Lori's Old School Mix.
http://diversityink.blogspot.com/ Delete Reply
Malcolm: Thanks for stopping by. A pleasure to have fellow bloggers swing through. I'm excited about reading your posts; I think we may share a lot of the same views. About sexual addiction: While you make a good point, I must disagree just a little. How many men do you know who step out with a woman who is far inferior to his wife... in terms of looks, intelligence, dedication, accomplishment? I know many. This brings back to my memory something my brother and cousin used to say when we were growing up and they we just learning the joys of indiscriminate male sex… "P*ssy ain’t got no face." I hope my kinfolk have grown up since then. But clearly all men have not! Delete Reply
ThatTeowanna: Oh yeah, I remember guys saying "P*ssy ain't got no face" from my high school days. I wonder if kids are still using that phrase.
In my original comments, I was referring to rich and/or famous men in regards to them normally not cheating with women that aren't reasonably attractive. Having said that, there are exceptions. Ironically, shortly after I posted my original comments, I started watching "Lopez Tonight" which featured Kobe Bryant as one of the guests. It got me to thinking about the mess he was in when he cheated on his wife with the hotel employee in CO. Although I can't remember what the woman looked like, I am sure that she had nothing on Kobe's wife in the looks department. I don't believe Kobe is a sex addict... he was just stupid.
By the way, thanks for stopping by my blog Diversity Ink. It's always a joy to meet someone who has similar interests and has something meaningful to add to the discussion. In case you are into pop culture, I also write another blog called Pop Culture Dish:
http://popculturedish.blogspot.com/ Delete Reply