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A Ghetto Moment

Ghetto moment: An exhibition of behavior that is uncharacteristic and extreme, usually driven by intense emotion – That Teowonna!

The Jenny and Mark Sanford saga continues. Last week, the Sanfords returned from a two-week European vacation. According to The State newspaper, Governor Sanford said the vacation was an opportunity for him and his family to get away from the media attention and mend their relationships. I don’t know if the trip was a success or not, but the following Saturday, Nino Brown told me that Jenny Sanford packed her and her sons’ belonging, and left the SC Governor’s mansion. Jenny released a statement saying that after careful and prayerful consideration, she and her boys are moving back to their home in Sullivan’s Island for the upcoming school year. She further stated that she would return to Columbia often to carry out the duties required of her in her role as first lady.

While I want every marriage to be successful, I am glad Mrs. Sanford is taking a stand against the hypocrisy of infidelity and doing what is best for her and her sons. She is not playing the role of the ever-dutiful wife standing by her man after he humiliated and embarrassed her in front of the entire nation. But the problem I have with Mrs. Sanford is the manner in which she left. Jenny Sanford has all the money in the world and can easily afford to hire a moving company.

Instead, she called 3 of her friends and early Saturday morning, they met her at the governor’s mansion and literally carried her belonging by the armfuls out to their vehicles. They had clothes on hangers and packed in plastic bags, making trip after trip from the mansion to the SUVs parked out front. Clothes in plastic bags? SUVs loaded down? How ghetto is that! That is a scene you would typically see in the hood any given weekend.

While the term ‘ghetto’ has a negative connotation, as a woman, I understand why Jenny Sanford moved out the way she did. I understand how emotions can get so high that you behave completely out of character. Now, there are some people who are just straight ghetto. They do jacked up stuff like that every day of the week simply because they don’t know any better. Others of us, just suffer for a 'ghetto moment'.In Jenny Sanford’s case, I can only imagine what transpired that Friday night or early that Saturday morning in which she said, “I’ve had enough! I gotta go, and I gotta go NOW!” All her money, etiquette training, education and family prestige didn’t matter at that time. She was just the wife of a philandering husband who had finally reached her limit.
Jenny Sanford is an example of a rich, privilege lady suffering from a ghetto moment. Most of us have had them. I have, my girlfriends have, famous people have, and you probably have too. Here are a couple of ghetto moments that I came across during my research. The educated, independent woman, and the devoted, holy-ghost filled wife both found themselves having a ghetto moment.
Story #1: She is a strong-willed lady. She works hard for what she has. A homeowner at 28, a couple of degrees, and a career that was starting to take flight. Then she met him. They both fell hard, or so she thought. During their two-year relationship, she broke up with him many times… and every single time, he deserved it. But he always managed to come back, and she always took him back. After the last break-up however, she started to get suspicious hang-up calls. One night after a precarious set of events were set in motion, he finally came clean with her about who had been making the hang-up calls. He said “You know her; you’ve met her before.” He continued to say the girl calling was his employee and they had been having an affair for more than a year. She was devastated. Angry. Hurt. She knew the relationship was over; it would never be the same. She got even angrier as she thought about all the times he had brought the girl in her face. He actually had brought the girl to her home. Despicable. everybody knew about the affair but her. His family, his friends, his office staff. Everyone. They all continued to grin in her face and pretend to be her friend while letting her be made a fool of. She felt bamboozled.
After a day or so passed, she actually thought she was getting over it. Then she was on her way home from work one day. As she had to pass the road that leads to his house, she began thinking about how he humiliated her, played with her feelings, betrayed her, disrespected her. The enragement she felt mounting was unlike anything she'd ever felt before. Physical harm, possibly even death, was the only thing that was going to cure her wrath. She scanned her car for a suitable weapon; any weapon, but couldn’t find one. She wanted to sit in his yard and wait for him to come home and make him feel the pain she felt. When actually visualized herself taking his life. That terrified her. She called her close friend and begged her to talk her out of her plan. Immediately recognizing she was in an altered state, her girlfriend talked to her in a way no other woman could have. About 30 minutes later, her emotions began to settle down and she was able to think rationally again.

She had heard of stories in which woman did crazy things like cut tires, bust car windows, even killed men. She used to think they were crazy; ghetto. At that moment, she understood.
Story # two: The God-fearing, devoted wife. She was head of the deaconess board, bible school teacher, choir leader, and every other role a woman could serve in the church. She and her husband, who was also active in the church, had just moved into a new home. Everything was sparkling! Pristine. Their dreams were coming true; their hard work and prayer were paying off.

It was a typical Saturday morning. She was doing house chores and her husband was doing yard work. When the lawn mower stalled, he left the house to run to the store to get some gas. When night fell, and her husband had not returned, she started to get worried. Panic, actually. She scouted the neighborhood. She called his mother, his brothers, his friends, the hospitals... everyone she could think of. No one had seen him; no one had heard from him. Terrified of what could have happened to her husband, she called the police to complete a missing person’s report. She went to bed, but she didn’t sleep. She and her children had a restless night. Her husband wasn’t home; their daddy wasn’t home.
The next morning, she called in to work. Around lunchtime, she was sitting in her dining room at her new extravagant dinner table, staring at the walls. Then out of nowhere, in walked her husband. As he rounded the corner to the dining room, he emerged with a grin on his face and exclaimed in a silly Martin Lawrence voice, “What up!” She gasped when she saw him. Couldn’t say a word. Then she realized, all her worriment and dread had been for naught; his disappearance had been a silly hoax. An excuse to get out of the house. She calmly got up from the table and walked to the kitchen. She found the largest kitchen knife they had and charged back through to dining at him. When he saw the fury in her eyes, he dashed to the bedroom and locked the door behind him. She stabbed the door time and time again. Three minutes passed, five minutes passed. Eight minutes passed. She was huddled down in the corner of the doorframe, weakly, but still knifing the door, in a vengeful trance. After what seemed like forever, she regained her senses. He eventually emerged from the room. When they both realized that she could have and would have killed him, they cried. Weeks later, he disappeared again. Today, they are divorced and she hasn’t had that feeling since.
Sound like crazy women? They are only crazy if you have never been driven by emotion the way they were. A ghetto moment can happen to any of us. It varies from woman to woman. Remember The Color Purple? The dinner table scene when meek and mild Celie held the carving knife to Mister’s throat? A ghetto moment. In Why Did I Get Married, when the overweight, passive, and desperate to save her marriage Jill Scott smashed her husband over the head with a wine bottle? A ghetto moment. There are many more. Will these women ever do anything like that again? I doubt it. Unfortunately, they probably would never give a man that much of themselves to where they could be pushed to that point. The men who follow will never know the true devotion those women were once capable of.

So ladies, don’t automatically pass judgment on the girl who just bust the window out your son’s car. And men, let this be a lesson to you: No matter how rich, refined, holy, independent, or in love she may be, you can drive a woman to have a ghetto moment. Let’s just hope there is a heavy wooden door to protect you, or she has a friend to talk her down. I'm glad I did.


I guess Jenny has earned a nomimation for an official ghetto name. J-lo is taken. Jen lacks umph. How about Ni-Ni (Nee-NEE)? I shouldn't make light of this. Forgive me.

I will say that from a man's perspective, women have a natural tendancy for that emotional roller coaster. I remember an episode with my ex-wife. She was acting mean and standoff-ish with our company. I confronted her about it in private. In a matter of 5 minutes, she yelled at me while boiling over in anger, then started crying when she realized that she was trippin', then started laughing at the fact she was crying, then got mad again. Did I say that this happened in 5 minutes?

Now I'm not saying Ni-Ni doesn't have a reason for her ghetto moment; but I'll bet that that emotional roller coaster will be on the incline sooner or later. And maybe Ni-Ni gave us a glimpse as to why Sandford had another woman as his "soul-mate". Uh-oh...he went there. Delete Reply

thankfully she had friends that she could call on to help get all her sh*t out the house with the quickness. if i were her friend, i would have definitely suggested she hire a moving truck while the three of us would be sipping and relaxing :)
good luck to her! it's sad when kids are involved.` Delete Reply

No Mark, Your ex and NeNe are just ghetto. There is a difference. lol. Since we are friends, I know I can say that. The emotional ups and downs of women may be normal to some extent, but your ex was extreme. That is NOT what this blog was about at all. But I'm not surprised that men don't really get it. I'm talking about being pushed to the extreme because of high, uncontrollable rage or emotion, usually brought on by ya'll. Not being rude to a house guest Thanks for the comments... Since you know me very well, you knows its all about love!
Tanyetta: thanks for the support! Delete Reply

It's just something about being made a fool of or mistreated that will make you have that 'ghetto moment'. I have had a few myself. But at some undefined moment I realized my self-worth and stopped the foolishness. My favorite phrase has become - do you, without me. I've learned to keep it moving Livingston style. The blood speaks. Delete Reply

Personally speaking, I think Jenny Sandford handled the situation with her kids in mind. If she wanted to hurt her husband physically, or financially. She lost her chance. In my opinion, if she “busted him upside his head” when he admitted to having an affair, that would have been “ghetto” and I would understand. If she wanted to take him to court for a divorce on the grounds of adultery, she lost her chance when she took him back, and went on the “family vacation.” BUT, if she wanted her kids to have a “pleasant” transition from, “a happy home with a father,” to “a single parent home without the father,” then in my opinion, this is one way to do it. It was bad enough that Gov. Sandford had an affair, but to do it on Father’s Day weekend, with four boys and a wife at home?!? The boys need a stable parent in their young lives. Those boys needs to be surrounded by adults who love them and makes them feel as if they come first. They don’t need to see their mother humiliated on national TV. A long as she is holding up, the boys should be OK. Placing them in an environment where their feelings, and welfare comes first is important. We have enough “angry-kids” in the world resorting to all sorts of “bad decisions” because they feel that a parent or parents have failed them. It looks like Jenny Sandford is putting the boys feelings before her own. She needs to surround herself with close friends too. To many hired workers sell stories to the gossip magazines and etc. Those kind of publishers really don’t care how true the story is, but a source that close to the family would be to tempting for them to pass up. Governor Sandford must not have seen the movie, “Why Did I Get Married?” If he had, he would know about Rev. T. D Jakes “80-20 Theory.” This “mid-life-crisis” that some men go through can cost them their family and the respect of close friends. It won’t be easy but, I hope Governor Sandford finds a way to make his family whole again. If he doesn’t TRY, I hope Jenny, “PIMPS SLAPS HIM GHETTO STYLE FOR REAL."
HAPPY DEE-2 Delete Reply

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