Unpopular Truths According to That Teowonna!

Unpopular Truth #2: Mothers are the reason there are so many single women

To the Virgins, To Make Much of Time By Robert Herrick

Gather ye rose-buds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying;

And this same flower that smiles today, Tomorrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun, the higher he’s a-getting,

The sooner will his race be run, and nearer he’s to setting.

That age is best which is the first, when youth and blood are warmer;

But being spent, the worse, and worst times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time, and while ye may, go marry;

For having lost but once your prime, you may forever tarry.

I hope you didn’t loose patience and skipped the poem to get to why I think mothers are the primary reason there are so many single black women. If you did, please go back and read it. I’ll wait. This poem is key to my theory.

I recall the first time I read this poem in the 10th grade. It had a completely different meaning to me then. I thought Robert Herrick was an overzealous young man who was just trying to lay his best rhymes down so a young maiden would feel that “we don’t know what tomorrow will bring; we better live today”. In other words, I thought Herrick was using this poem to coax a young woman into getting their groove on.

But today however, I see the poem in a different light. Not only that, I agree with Herrick 100%. Young women should not put off marriage; they should get married while they are still young, pretty, and marriageable. Getting older does nothing for increasing your chances of being married and having a family.

There are a number of theories as to why young women, especially black women remain unmarried. There aren't very many suitable partners; too many black men are in prison; blah, blah, blah. But let’s talk about root causes here… MOTHERS!

The reason there are so many unwed/never been married/never will be married women in their 30’s and  40’s is because when they young and marriageable, being a wife was the last thing on their minds. They were more career-focused than family-focused. Any why were their priorities all scrambled up? Because of their mothers!

Mothers, especially black mothers, do not train their daughters to be a wives. They no longer teach their girls the value of being a mother. They tell them that there is plenty of time to get married and have children. But guess what mothers, you were wrong. Women don’t have forever to get married and have children. Men do, but women don’t!

Have you noticed that white mothers raise their daughters to go to college to attract a better man to marry, whereas black mothers raise their daughters to go to college to get an education “so you won’t need a man”. Huge mistake. In that statement alone, mothers downplay the importance of men in our society. They are instilling the value of independence. And what a horrible thing to teach your daughter… that she doesn’t need a man… that a degree and career are more important than raising a family. And then when she is 39, not married and you still don’t have any grandchildren, you wonder what’s wrong with her. What’s wrong with her is that you raised her.

I understand why mothers encourage their daughters to be independent. They want them to be successful, and happy, and all the other things that they feel like they missed. But guess what, mamas, when 11:00 pm comes, you have a husband to go to bed with. You have a family. Why should your daughter not have the same? How happy do you think she will be when she is 45 with two or three degrees and no husband, no children, and no prospects for either?  Don’t overplay the value of education, especially at the expense of family.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with going to college and getting an education. I highly endorse education. But I denounce education over family.

It’s time for mothers to retrain their own thought process so they can properly train their daughters to have balance in their lives. To get an education but also seek a suitable life mate. Teach them the value of a good man. That is how we start to reverse this negative trend.

So mother, when you send you daughters, and sons, off to college, in addition to encouraging them to get an education, encourage them to meet someone special and fall in love. Happiness and success can still be found within the walls of marriage and family.

As much as I love Robert Herrick, his poem needs a 2010 update. Who should we ask to update it? Hmm. Me? Really? No, I can’t! Ok, since you insist. Here it is, That Teowonna style!

To The Sistahs, To Make Much of College By That Teowonna!

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, times ain’t like they used to be

Chase a career like your mother say, yo’ ass gonna end up free

Your mother sent you off to school so you can get an education and ‘won’t need no man’

She’s trying to live her dreams through you, but a family, she already has

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no hater; Getting an education is alright

But keep in mind that piece of paper sure can’t keep you warm at night

I’m not saying settle or accept less than you deserve

But don’t wear ‘independent woman’ like a medal; To black men, that’s the new ‘N’ word.